Sunday, February 24, 2013

Oscar Time!!!

Out of work time to blog!

1. First thing I saw when I turned on E! was Anne Hathaway's nips. Jesus! Turn up the heat.
2. The people in the background on the red carpet must have a different dress code than the stars being interviewed. Eh gad, there are some sad looks.
3. "Every woman should buzz their head" says one of the world's most beautiful woman. Screw you, Charlize.
4. I'm going to be the first person to say that Jennifer Aniston is pregnant...or she's just overdosed on fillers and gained some weight so she's wearing a puffy dress.
5. Just watched ABC for about 14 seconds, but couldn't bear to listen to the worst interviewer ever, Kristin Chenoworth, she's the worst
6. Love you Adele. Can't wait to hear her sing!!!
7. Rumor has it that I have to check out Brandi Glanville and Nancy O'Dell's dresses...stay tuned for my opinion, Lauren.
8. Ok, update: Brandi Glanville's breasts are eating her dress. How on Earth did she get an invite to the Oscars? What is she doing there (besides trying to show us her nipples).
9. I think Nancy O'Dell used Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition as inspiration and had her dress made from body paint. Thankfully her awful, profuse plastic surgery distracts me from her ugly dress.
10. Jane Fonda is so flipping hot. I love her dress, I love her body. If she wasn't cray cray, I'd want to be her when I grew up.
11. Feeling pretty underwhelmed by the red carpet thus far...Favorites so far: Jennifer Garner, Jennifer Hudson, Jane Fonda, Jessica Chastain, Naomi Watts
12. Love that Helen Hunt bought her dress at H&M, but she should have gone to Target right after and bought a steam iron.
13. I wish I loved Jennifer Lawrence's dress more.
14. Zoe Salanda weighs 76 pounds. She needs a sandwich.
15. Stacy Keibler finally found a gorgeous dress...but her hair...hot damn, what a mess!!!
16. George Clooney looks like Old Man Winter
17. Halle Berry- Insane, just like her dress.
18. We need less black/gray/white/beige and more color. Thank you Jennifer Garner and Jane Fonda for bringing it.
19. I can't stop talking about Jane Fonda.
20. Red Carpet Rundown: Anne Hathaway is a huge failure. Jane Fonda is a huge winner. Jennifer Aniston has a puffy face and needs a new hairdo. E! is clearly sponsored by Samsung tonight.
21. Renee Zelwegger has awful hair. It always looks like it's going to fall out...
22. Queen Latifa is gorgeous, but is truly twice the size as half-human, Kristen Chenoworth.
23. Seth McFarlane...one zinger after another.
24. If that 85 year old lady wins best actress I'll be pissed. I HATE old people. (BTW it's her birthday which makes it even WORSE).
25. Kathryn Bigelow in the audience was psyched when Captain Kirk showed up on that screen- was clapping like he was the President.
26. NPR Moment: Did you know that Seth McFarlane actually has an album of old standards that he sings? Ya, I heard an interview with him on Fresh Air. He's actually quite intelligent.
27. Hands off Charlize- Tatum has a pregnant wife in the audience.
28. Sock puppets are fantastic. This Oscars is the best EVER!
29. "I got a bottle of wine and Boniva." hahaha.
30. My vote goes to any movie entitled "Fresh Guacamole"
31. I will never stop loving Paul Rudd...which makes me feel dirty cause he reminds me of my friend Drea's husband, Denis. Hey Denis...call me.
 32. Catherine Zeta Jones dressed up as pop star Jessie J for the Oscars. She looks so fresh and natural.
33. How long till Anne Hathaway gives her acceptance speech? I can't wait!!
34. Wow, Meatloaf's hair has gotten really white.
35. No better song than the "Jaws Theme" to remind people that they are running out of time with their speeches.
36. This James Bond tribute is awful. Straight men already get the SuperBowl, they don't need a James Bond montage at the Oscars. The rest of us don't give to shits about James Bond.
37. Didn't Madonna sing a James Bond song? I hope she makes a surprise appearance.
38. The crowd went wild for Mrs. Finger. I guess I was wrong. Touche, them there people at the Oscars like James Bond too.
39. Kerry Washington has quite the strut. She's gorgeous.
40. Kardashian jokes never get old, nor do Mel Gibson or Chris Brown jokes...oh wait a second...ya they do.
41. Jessica Chastain has some banging curves.
42. Do you think Jennifer Garner speaks in her "little girl" voice all the time?
43. Brandi Glanville gets invited to the Oscars, but the orchestra has to perform in a different building down the street? WTF?!!
44. Catherine Zeta Jones is STILL dressed as Jessie J during her bangs phase. But seriously though, she looks great for being 55 years old.
45. Oh No...Not my favorite song ever!!?!?!?!!? YOU'RE GONNA LOVE ME!!!!! I'm gonna be singing this for days (lucky Jeff!!!)
46. Everything Jennifer Hudson learned about singing live she learned on American Idol- says Paula Abdul
47. J Hud and Adele can have a scream off at next year's Oscars.
48. I hope they shave Anne Hathaway's hair again...live on stage.
49. Anne Hathaway wants to look as nude as possible tonight...her current dress makes her look like a person who had a gastric bypass in the buff.
50. Hugh Jackman loves to 'sing talk'
51. Why didn't they bring the girls from Pitch Perfect to sing? Assholes.
52. Something tells me that Chris Pine is a bad toucher. He makes my sketch alarms go off.
53. Lot's of support actress overacting in these clips
54. I can see Anne Hathaway's nipples through her dress. Didn't anyone check to see if this would happen on film before she wore that dress?!
55. Anne Hathaway wins. Her short walk leaves her breathless. Someone get her some albuterol STAT!!!
56. Karyn: I have officially diagnosed her as over-dramatic asthma exacerbation
57. Rehearse much, Anne?
58. Love that Seth McFarlane laughs at his own jokes
59. Adele said her dress weighs 15kg. Whatever that means. Adele, you're in our country now...speak American please.
60. The best part about this song is how Adele pronounces "fall" and "all" I love her cockney accent...but really, remember what I said about speaking American, Adele.
61. WTF is wrong with Kristen Stewart? She can't walk, she can't read, she didn't wash her hair, she barely wore makeup, and she acts like she hates her life while she's on stage. Why do they even invite her to present? She's awful.
62. I will never watch amour. If I wanted to see old people at the end of their lives, I can just go to work
63. So thankful I live in Alaska and it's only 6:55 pm.
64. Bow down to the epic Barbra Streisand. This is how plastic surgery should be done...cough...Catherine Zeta Jones...cough...
65. Dreamgirls, The Way We Were, Les Miserable...still waiting for a musical number from Sister Act to appear at any time...
66. Can I just say that unfollowing Justin Bieber on Twitter was the best thing that happened to me all week...now if Oprah Winfrey could have any shred of humour, life would be great.
67. Renee Zelwegger looks like she just came from the gym...by way of a gold leaf factory. 4
68. I feel uncomfortable looking at Richard Gere ever since he killed Halle Berry's boyfriend what he was sleeping with Diane Lane in that movie they were all in (Halle Berry wasn't in it, she was too busy being crazy somewhere with some other guy).
69. Nora Jones is currently in one of the cutest dresses of the night. So cute. Love her in Ted!!!
70. Adele now has an Oscar and Grammy...half way to EGOT!!!!
71. I want Adele's red lips. She's so beautiful!!!
72. Denzel is bored...I bet he wishes he was flying a plane...while drunk and high.
73. Quentin Tarantino is bat shit crazy, but at least he's joyful. I love that they played him out to the Gone With the Wind theme song.
74. If you are still awake and bored read this: Hater's Guide to The Oscars...it's hilarious
75. And Jennifer Lawrence eats shit on the way to the stage. Perfect...nobody will ever forget her now! Well played.
76. Jennifer Lawrence's tanlines are the reason that I never wear bathing suits with straps...you never know what you are going to win an Oscar...no tanlines!!!
77. Joaquin Phoenix acts all nervous like he wants to win the award he just trashed a few months ago.
78. Way to forgo the dramatic pause, Meryl.
79. Are they going to play the Jaws Music to DDL? He's taking a long time and making me nervous...
80. DDL is a strangely attractive man. I don't konw what it is about him...
81. I'm glad Jack Nicholson is here...I was just thinking the other day that he's never on the sidelines of Lakers Games anymore and was worried that he may be sick or dying. He's not. Good thing.
82. WHAT MICHELLE OBAMA!?!?!!?! Take that Bill Clinton!!!!
83. Argo takes it!! Sympathy win!!
84. I noticed that Stacy Kiebler was more excited than Jennifer Garner when Argo won...what does that mean??!!?!?!
85. Hold it together, Lisa.
86. Ben is making me nervous.
87. Jennifer Lopez must feel pretty crappy about being the center of Ben Affleck's rock bottom. 

OK, the show is over. My fingers are tired betwen Facebook, Twitter, and PopCrush. Stay tuned for best and worst dress post coming later tonight....

4 comments:

  1. Please tell me u saw Brandi gainville or nancy Odell's dresses!
    Lauren

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  2. bahahaha to #31! I am flattered as I find Paul Rudd attractive and funny. Do you know who Chris O'Dowd is? He totally reminds me of Denis, of course minus the Irish accent. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1483369/?ref_=sr_1

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG totally!! Jeff is a mix between Greg Brady and Jimmy Fallon. Sadly, he looks more like Greg Brady. HOT!!!

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