Best Red Carpet Couple

Felicity Huffman and William H Macy- how cute are these two?? Answer: wicked cute. The cutest. I mean, they don't share the same Wig Guy like the Travoltas, but two are the cutests. Look at Willy grab Felicity's bum. That's love.

Ummmm...NOPE

Who thought this was a good idea? Sarah Hyland is young and cute and dressed like an old lady who is trying to look young, but still hide her varicose veins. This dress is the perfect solution for that. But Sarah doesn't have varicose veins. This dress/pantsuit is an abomination and should be burned immediately. I can't even give it any more of my energy. It's so sad.

Spray tanner: 1, Claire Danes: 0

The look on her face says it all. Claire Danes knows that she looks like a high rent Tan Mom. She is not impressed. Something tells me that Claire's spray tan girl is a Trump supporter and when she saw Claire's "I'm With Her" bumper sticker, she exacted her revenge and turned Claire into a little She-Trump. Yes, that's totally what happened. There is no other explanation for that orange glow.

Best in Show

That dress. THAT DRESS!!! Again, deep V, not a fan, but I'm so distracted by the GORGEOUS floral material and the flowy, light skirt. I want to live in that dress. I want to wear it to bed, to work, to the gym...everywhere. Kristen looks so confident and comfortable. She knows that she's in an amazing dress. Her styling is also on point- light jewelry, non-fussy hair. This dress could have gone wrong on so many women, but Kristen nailed it. I'm going to go ahead and call her my best dressed right now. Hands down, best dress of the night.

Marcia Clark squared

We may be in a fight after this. I don't care what you think. I love this dress. I must say that I don't usually love a deep V...I think its a bit too played out this past year. However, I like Sarah Paulson's deep V here and I think it's because the long sleeves balance out the exposed skin of her decolletage. I LOVE the color. LOVE it!  Look at the close up detail to that dress. Its exquisite. I want to take that dress out behind the high school bleachers and get it pregnant...that's how much I love it.

Sarah, if you didn't know, plays Marcia Clark in The People Vs OJ Simpson. Well, wouldn't you know, that Sarah BROUGHT Marcia Clark as her plus 1 to the Emmys. Meta.

 

Hold Still, Priyanka!

Priyanka Chopra is so, so pretty. I could stare at her gorgeous face all day. However, it was really hard to find a great photo of that lovely red dress, because Priyanka would not stop spinning. We get it, your dress is flowy and fun, but stand still for just a second so it can be adored in its resting state. Girlfriend must have been dizzy after the red carpet.

Her makeup was spot on and her lipstick matched her dress perfectly. Love it all. 

Best Emmy Kids

Here are some kids at the Emmys. They are part of the cast of a show "Stranger Things" on Netflix. I've never seen the show, but I hear it's really good. Anyway, I'm just a sucker for kids dressed as little adults. Love that girl's hair and bird dress. She's a fashion icon in the making.

It's Emmy Time!!

The Emmy Awards are on tonight. I just happen to be working all night long. Which means when I'm not doing chest compressions or yelling for things to occur STAT, I will be sitting in front of my laptop pouring through the entire internet to bring all the glitz and glamour and my commentary to go along with it.

Stuff That Happened This Week

1. Mel Gibson is expecting his 9th child, proving that he is both virile and daft because at the age of 60, he is still allowing younger women to impregnate themselves with his sperm. Congratulations, Rosalind Ross, you will never have to work again...and your baby-daddy is an antisemite.

2. I spent 39802 hours watching the Real Housewives of New York reunion and I know one thing for sure- Bethenny Frankel is a monster. I hope she stays on the show forever.

3. My husband said he didn't like the Dolly Parton and Pentatonix verson of Jolene (see my post about that HERE), because he could hear her plastic surgery. What in the hell does that even mean??!!! I married a wackadooo.

4. Tim Gunn spoke for all of humanity when he called Kanye West's most recent fashion collection "dumb and basic and quite possibly a hoax." Then he added the cherry on top, "I think the only thing dumber than these clothes would be the people who would buy these clothes." Mic drop.

5. Vicky B wore this pleated green skirt this week from her spring 2017 line that is glorious. It looks so light and breezy and flowy and greeny. I need it in my life, but will have to sell an ovary to afford it. Anyone know any good organ harvesters?

Kate Takes Canada Part Deux

YOU GUYS!!! Guess what's coming up next week??!!! Will and Kate head to Canada, which means I get to spend every day on tour with them as the official PopCrush Royal Canadian Tour Correspondent. I'll be your eyes and ears on the ground, regurgitating photos and stories from all of my favorite websites.

What's also exciting is that Little Prince George and Princess Charlotte will be along for the ride. I can't wait to see little George scowl and scamper and clomp his way around Canada like the little hellacious scamp that he is.

Interestingly, the papers (ok, one paper- the dailymail) is already pitting Kate against the First Lady of Canada, Sophie Gregorie-Trudeau in a style showdown. Because dressing cute must be a battle that only one woman can win. Can't they just both look awesome and stand around talking about their shoes and lipstick and lives? Must we always pit women against each other? How about we talk instead about a competition of hairlines between Will and Justin Trudeau? Or who can wear the most navy blue suits in one week? Or how about a competition to see which husband gets outshined the most by their beautiful, stylish wife?

Sorry Willy Wales, but Justin has you beat on the head of hair. But don't worry, I have a very strong feeling that you are going to bring out your best navy blue suit and wear the hell out of it at least 5-7 times.

Discarded chainmail does not a dress make

Oh my eyes! Kim Kardashian, what in the helllll are you wearing? This dress is what happens when you accidentally wash chainmail** on hot and throw it in the dryer rather than air drying it. And since I'm being critical, those boots don't even go with the dress. At least match your boots. She's all Medieval Times on the top and Operation Dessert Storm on the bottom.

Kim's style as of late seems to be heavily influenced by Kanye. Lots of nudes and spandex and areolas. All of which were seen in Kanye's NY Fashion Week showing. There's nothing that makes a girl feel pretty like a nude bodysuit. Thank you, Kanye, for delivering it to the masses!!! Meanwhile, poor Kim looks tortured in her nude bodysuit, double wedgie ensemble. It looks sooooo uncomfortable. I'd love for Kanye to don that outfit, even for a few hours. He wouldn't last 15 minutes. 

**FYI: Chainmail should be washed on the gentle cycle with cool water and then left to air dry.

I always love a Jolene

Jolene by Dolly Parton is one of my favorite songs. For some strange reason my favorite songs tend to be women's names: Angie by Rolling Stones, Anna Begins by Counting Crows, Mary had a Little Lamb by Beth Wagner. All fantastic songs, sung by amazing vocalists.


Jolene though. It doesn't really matter who is singing it. I still like it. Even a group called Pentatonix (sounds like an insecticide) could sing it and I'd be down...especially if they invited Dolly to sing it with them. Can we talk about Pentatonix for a second? I have no idea who they are. I've never heard anything they sing, but my mom has their Christmas album and talks about them like they are the Beatles and I should know who they are. Which one of us is the loser here? I think me. I don't usually like acapella groups and I think its because the low bass guy always makes me feel a little uncomfortable and the low bass guy in Pentatonix is no exception. Dolly offsets that here with her amazing wig and leather pants. My favorite Dolly quote: "It takes a lot of money to look this cheap." I love her so much.

Another great cover of Jolene is by Miley Cyrus.  Dolly is her Godmother.

Ginger Birthday

Happy Birthday to my favorite Fire Crotch, Prince Harry!!!! Because he's the Royal Spare he is allowed to have a personality and a beard. He does all the work, while his lazy, boring brother tends to his loud kids and pretends to be a helicopter rescue pilot. I hope he finds a nice wife...call me, Prince Ginger...oh wait, I'm already married, but I think my husband would allow me to marry you for the right amount of money as he's easily bribed.

News Flash: Strawberry Shortcake declares war on Tom Brady

Tom Brady was out and about this week wearing his favorite Dirk Diggler wig. He recently had an interview and in it revealed to the world that he has NEVER had a cup of coffee or a strawberry. A flipping strawberry!! What kind of monster is this guy? I just can't accept that he's never had a strawberry. According to him, he never will. Because he's a grown ass man and he's married to Giselle and he'll eat whatever he wants to eat.

I can't get behind a man that won't drink coffee. My man roasts his own coffee beans in our garage (Hi, Jeff), so my coffee requirements are very high.

I'm going to send Mr. Brady an edible arrangement and a pound of Dunkin Donuts coffee stat. I'm going to make a man out of Tom Brady if it's the last thing I do.

J.Lo's new man?

Is J.Lo dating Taylor Swift's ex-boytoy Calvin Harris? I found a story that they are dating on the dailymail. The dailymail is not the best source of information, but I'm just going to go ahead and believe it. Why? Because I want the best for J.Lo. Why? I have no freaking idea. I think it's because she has really good skin and it hypnotizes me. Did you see her Carpool Kareoke with James Corden? She was just so cute. I want to be her friend, because she seems like a good time...and her skin looked flawless. Despite her bubbly personality and glowing skin, J.Lo has the WORST taste in men. I mean, Calvin isn't really the best guy. Based on my observations during his break-up with Taytay, he came off a little bitchy. BUT- he is a total upgrade from J.Lo's last homely boyfriend, Casper Smart. Calvin at least has a job, isn't 4 feet tall, and does not have a face only a mother can love. Plus he has his  own underwear ads. The above photo is from J.Lo's 47th birthday. He has her arm around her and a smug look on his face so they must be dating. The proof is all there for us to see and then make wild assumptions about.

Modeling is hard

I couldn't be a model. I mean, I have model looks and a fantastic resting bitch face, but I lack the ability to be hungry for long periods of time (ie- always) which excludes me from the job. Models always act like their job is really, really hard. And while it may not be mentally demanding, I would imagine that standing in front of people while they pick you apart and treat you like a plastic mannequin with no brain or point of view or opinion. I'd either be fired on the first day, because I couldn't keep my mouth shut for an entire fashion shoot or I'd just pass out from hunger. Modeling can be physically demanding too. Sometimes models eat shit on the runway and remind us that falling is always funny. Case in point- Gigi Hadid's sister, Bella, ate it on the runway today at New York Fashion week. How embarrassing! Love that dress, though, Michael Kors should give her a bonus, because that fall just gave his collection some free press. Somewhere in Malibu, Yolanda Foster is blaming this fall on Lyme disease.

Oh crap, I'm falling

Nothing to see here, this yoga move is just part of the show

Don't worry, I'm fine, you just sit right there rich, blonde, people and keep filming me while I get up on my own...

Dumb Face

I know three things about Scott Eastwood. 1) He's Clint Eastwood's son. 2) He was in a Taylor Swift video. 3) He makes really stupid faces all.the.time. It's like he's trying to differentiate himself from all the other handsome actors between the ages of 25-35. Great idea, Scott. I have an idea- close your goddamn mouth.

20 years and 7 albums later...

Tupac died 20 years ago?!?! TWENTY. How old does that make me feel? I remember winning a Tupac poster at the Fair in high school. Because why wouldn't you want that gorgeous face on your wall. I forget how good looking he was. Yup, I'm a superficial trollop for talking about his looks on the anniversary of his death, but someone's gotta go there. Despite dying, Tupac has released 7 platinum albums, three more than he released while alive. His estate still makes millions of dollars from his music and likeness. Remember when he preformed as a hologram?

In my eyes, Tupac's best performance was in Poetic Justice. God, I was so ALL ABOUT Poetic Justice. It dealt with all the things I was passionate about when I was 14: Race relations (this is not a lie), young love, Janet Jackson, awesome hats. Allow me to take you back to 1993 for just a few moments...you may never want to come back.

Corpse Candidate

While the executives here at PopCrush have decided to take a neutral stance (cough...I'm with Her...cough) on the upcoming presidential elections, we will occasionally dip our toes in the proverbial cesspool that is the American political system to make fun of Donald Trump's general appearance and asshattery and to ridicule all of the people who cannot deal with a woman running for President.

The first target of ridicule is the National Enquirer. First off, have you ever tried to spell Enquirer without looking at the actual word? I have...and it's impossible. I think that the founder of the magazine chose a really hard word to spell as the title of his publication so that it would be impossible to get sued because the lawyers wouldn't be able to spell the name correctly and it would get thrown out of court. Smart move.

At the grocery store today, I saw human corpse Hillary Clinton looking back at me. Turns out the poor lady has had 3 strokes, liver damage from drinking, and Alzheimer's...plus she has violent rages. Of course she does, she has to look at a photoshopped image of herself dying every time she goes to the grocery store. I'd be pissed too. Look, assholes, Hilary is a healthy 70 year old woman who has normal 70 year old problems- hypothyroidism, hypertension, wrinkles, cellulite, and gray pubes. She is running against an overweight man with orange skin who uses enough bleach in his hair to disinfect at least 5 frat houses. His doctor is a man so behind the times that he still uses Windows XP. Which definitely proves that his board certification and medical license is not up to date.

Let's stop focusing on made up health concerns of poor Hillary and focus on her most important qualities- her haircut and her outfits.

What the F is this?

I was just innocently scrolling through the internet when my poor eyes fell upon this photo. What in the name of baby Jesus is going on here? The lady in the photo who is trying to drive her car with her perineum is Hilaria Baldwin...wife of Alec Baldwin. Hilaria just had her third kid because not only is she flexible, but she's fertile. Hilaria is HUNGRY for fame. I mean...she took a picture of herself in this position for the internet to see. And I saw it and now I'm sharing it with you. Mission accompished, Hilaria.

Those dogs are so disgusted by her, they won't even make eye contact. They look like they are trying to go to a happy place in their minds, don't they?!