Corpse Candidate

While the executives here at PopCrush have decided to take a neutral stance (cough...I'm with Her...cough) on the upcoming presidential elections, we will occasionally dip our toes in the proverbial cesspool that is the American political system to make fun of Donald Trump's general appearance and asshattery and to ridicule all of the people who cannot deal with a woman running for President.

The first target of ridicule is the National Enquirer. First off, have you ever tried to spell Enquirer without looking at the actual word? I have...and it's impossible. I think that the founder of the magazine chose a really hard word to spell as the title of his publication so that it would be impossible to get sued because the lawyers wouldn't be able to spell the name correctly and it would get thrown out of court. Smart move.

At the grocery store today, I saw human corpse Hillary Clinton looking back at me. Turns out the poor lady has had 3 strokes, liver damage from drinking, and Alzheimer's...plus she has violent rages. Of course she does, she has to look at a photoshopped image of herself dying every time she goes to the grocery store. I'd be pissed too. Look, assholes, Hilary is a healthy 70 year old woman who has normal 70 year old problems- hypothyroidism, hypertension, wrinkles, cellulite, and gray pubes. She is running against an overweight man with orange skin who uses enough bleach in his hair to disinfect at least 5 frat houses. His doctor is a man so behind the times that he still uses Windows XP. Which definitely proves that his board certification and medical license is not up to date.

Let's stop focusing on made up health concerns of poor Hillary and focus on her most important qualities- her haircut and her outfits.