Gisele Bundchen doesn't just wake up looking like a million bucks. No, it takes years and years of deprivation, lots of exercise, fillers, botox, and a secret Parisian plastic surgeon in addition to being Brazilian and having good genes. Gisele and Tom do not put sugary, flour, dairy, caffeine, alcohol into their bodies. Which basically means there is little joy in their lives. Tom doesn't even eat strawberries. I can't forgive him for that.
Gisele allowed her little precious angel children to go trick or treating this year, because they are red blooded Americans and it's a rule that they shall go house to house and beg for candy once a year. Gisele made sure that the world knew that they were not just any normal family- no, her kids were allowed to eat one piece of candy, but were forced to give the rest away, because kids who eat sugar are demons. Don't worry though, her kids were totes fine with it, because they don't really enjoy sugar anyway, because they are never eat it in their diets. And she's a perfect, non-judgemental mother who would never be grossed out by another mom at the playground plying her kids with fruit snacks so they stop whining. Never.
Gisele, I think you are a monster and we could never be friends.
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