Sunday, January 1, 2017

Shit Happens

OH HELL TO THE NO, MARIAH!!!
The Queen of Christmas, Mariah Carey, needs more money. Her holiday cash cow has come and gone and that yacht isn't going to pay for itself. So what's a girl to do? Infiltrate the next holiday, of course. But the Fat Baby of New Years was having none of that shit. Homegirl stole Christmas from Santa, but she sure as hell wasn't going to steal a night of overhyped drunken debauchery from him.

So Fat Baby had no choice but to sabotage Mariah's Times Square performance by messing with her ear piece so she couldn't hear the lyrics of the songs to which she planned to lip sync. He'd get her good. She'll look like a blubbering idiot and she'll never touch New Years Eve again.


The problem is that even though Mariah's performance was a bigger bomb than Hillary in November (too soon?), Mariah herself has prevailed. Everyone is talking about her. She's the most famous person of 2017 so far. She collected her fat check and walked away back to her fabulous yacht. And then she had the insight to post an gif to twitter that trolled us all. She gives zero shits! Bravo, Mariah!!! I hereby declare you the Queen of New Years!! Watch your back Cupid...you are no match for her sexy lingerie and remake of "My Endless Love"
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