Thursday, December 8, 2016

Jennifer Aniston has a fantastic plastic surgeon!


Jennifer Aniston is 47. You may not want to believe this but her face is full of fillers and botox. I know this because Jennifer Aniston loves two things: sunbathing and cigarettes. Neither of those joys keeps your face looking young. Not all the retinol in the world can fix that.

Nope, Jenny has a plastic surgeon and a damn good one at that. It takes a skilled artisan to keep a lady looking as fresh as a daisy without making her look like a character for The Dark Crystal (Jim Henson's puppet interpretation of people who've had too much botox and plastic surgery). Jennifer has to look at the product of a plastic surgeon with a heavy hand every time she hangs out with her bestie, Courtney Cox...who is a prime example of someone who has f'd up her face royally. Though I think she's cooled it a bit, because her lips have relaxed a little and her face, it still looks like it hurts her to smile...


Jennifer's boobs are pert, her abs are tight, and her skin is smooth. She's pushing 50 and looks better than most 25 year-olds. I would happily have whatever is being injected in her face if it were offered to me for free...Snake venom? yes. Pureed platypus pancreas? I'll take 50cc please. Donald Trump's ball sweat? I may pause for a moment, but if it were sterilized..and free..and would make me look like that at 47...then....sure, what the heck, I'm vain.

Couple Fantasy

Can these two just get together forever and make all of our dreams come true? I've given up on the dream of Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams getting married and making beautiful babies together. But my dream of Ryan and Emma Stone becoming a hot couple, moving in next door to me, and becoming my best friends is much more realistic. I mean, sure, Ryan is in a monogamous relationship with Eva Mendes and they have two kids...but has anyone SEEN those kids. They may be fake. To be honest, has anyone even SEEN Eva Mendes in a while? How do we know she's not a super realistic looking robot? Eva and her fake babies are there distract us from Ryan and Emma's real relationship. While the paparazzi are sitting outside of Ryan's house trying to get a photo of his fake family, he and Emma are in Vermont looking at all the houses for sale in my neighborhood.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

AHHHH, JORDAN CATALANO!! Jordan Catalano, I wanted nobody other than Jordan Catalano when I was 15. He was my ideal guy. He didn't talk much, he was moody and sensitive and deep. He was hot. He had a nice bob, which in the 90s grunge era, was just perfect. He wore a choker, which I guess was a thing moody, grunge guys did in the 90s. I was convinced that if he could fall for an awkward, emotional, average looking Angela Chase, than I could also find my own Jordan Catalano in real life. I married a guy who had long hair in the 90s, so I guess..maybe?


Well, girls. If you loved Jared Leto in the 90's, he's been a real disappointment in the 2000's hasn't he? He started out ok, but in the past 10 years, he's been on a steady decline. Underneath all that guyliner and method acting is a hot guy trying to break free, but Jared does EVERYTHING in his power to squash his hotness like it's his worst frenemy. However, if it wasn't for his pretty face, he would never be where he is now.  Here is Jared at a The Fashion Awards this week....dressed like a young Liberace. My 16 year old heart is weeping for this sad douchebag.



Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Things that keep me up at night...

While the rest of America (or at least 48% of the voting public) sits up at night worrying that they may experience what it's like to actually go to hell in a hand basket, I have bigger things to worry about...like Kim Zolciak's lips. I'm worried for them. I'm worried that they have reached max capacity of silicone and one more drop will make them explode. I'm worried how the Bierman-Zolciak family will support their lavish, beyond their means lifestyle now that Kroy is an unemployed ex-professional football player. I'm worried that Brielle is morphing into her mother not only on the outside, but also the inside and may suffer early menopause as a result.

So while you are worrying about your taxes, health insurance, public safety, job security, and all that superficial stuff, please keep Kim and her family in your thoughts and prayers. Right now, they need a miracle.

Monday, December 5, 2016

Watch This...

I read Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty a few years ago. And by "read", I mean devoured. It was so good. Not life changing-Pulitzer Prize-Good. More like Sucked into the story-Can't wait for it to be a movie-Good. Well, my prayers have been answered, because Reese Witherspoon's production company, Type A Films, has adapted the story and turned it into a short series on HBO. Rather than take place in Sydney, Australia it takes place in Monterey, California. A teaser trailer was released a few months ago and now they have released a full trailer and it looks gooooood. I'm so glad that I threatened to quit Comcast forever and they gave me free HBO so I can watch it!!!

If you have never read a Liane Moriarty book, I highly recommend them. They are easy, quick reads with well crafted plots and thorough character development. She's my go to author when I need a vacation read and don't want to invest any time in searching for a book. i just buy one of her books that I've never read and I have yet to be disappointed.

Little Big Lies starts in February. Will you be watching? I sure am!!!


Friday, December 2, 2016

So Happy Together


Rihanna and Hot Harry were together in Barbados this week during Harry's Royal Caribbean Tour. Since yesterday was World AIDS Day, the two got tested for HIV together. When their tests both came back clean, they immediately escaped to a broom closet and got busy. Because, as the old saying goes: "When a non-HIV infected royal opportunity knocks, you screw it in a broom closet." Ok, that's not true, but a girl can dream can't she?

I think I'm not the only girl dreaming of Rihanna shagging Prince Harry in a broom closet.  Rihanna is also dreaming of Rihanna shagging Harry in a broom closet. She def has her eye on him. Look at her giggling with old Harry. She trying hard to work her charm. And by work her charm, what I mean is work, work, work, work, work, work her charm. Go get him, girl!


That's not weird or anything...

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher had a baby boy on November 30th. This week they announced his birth and his name: Dimitri Portwood Kutcher. Dimitri is a nice Russian sounding name, paying homage to Mila's Russian roots. What is puzzling about the name is that it a male derivative of Demetria, which happens to be the the real name of Ashton's ex-wife, Demi Moore. Is it a thing to name your kid after your ex-wife? Is this to make it up to her for cheating on her with a college chick in a hot tub? It took me all of 10 seconds to draw the line from Dimitri to Demi Moore and I'm no Sherlock Holmes. Ashton is either super dense, super self-invovled, or a super douche to not notice/care that he named his kid after his ex-wife. I'm gonna go on a limb and say that he's a nice mixture of all of the above.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

25 DAYS OF POPCRUSH!!

Today is the first day of December. The Christmas season is in full effect. There seems to be 25 days of everything these days, so let's add to the list and with a 25 Days of PopCrush celebration. From now until Christmas, I will be posting daily PopCrush posts to Facebook. Hopefully, these posts will push all the political and Elf on the Shelf (we don't care that your elf toilet papered your bathroom, people) posts a bit down your feed. Let this be my Christmas present to you...garbage for your brain!!!

Let's start off with my favorite Christmas Couple- John Travolta and Olivia Newton John. Between her fillers and his spray on hair, they are really a marvel of modern cosmetology. The only thing that is not fake in that photo is...um...let me look a little bit harder...well, their t-shirts look real, so I'm gonna go with that...their t-shirts.

And here's a tune from their album just in case you were wondering what magic these two create when they work together...it's so bad and I don't think it's a joke.




NO...ANYTHING BUT NICKELBACK!!!!

Canada's worst export, Nickelback (with Justin Bieber, Avril Lavigne, and Sarah McLachlan's sad ASPCA commercials coming in as the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th worst) are now being used as torture for drunk driving in a Canadian town. First Canada tried to send this awful group to the US and when we rejected them, they had no choice but to use their music to torment criminals. The town of Kennsington, Prince Edward Island is so sick and tired of drunk drivers that they posted on their facebook page that it's time to get serious and crack down on the practice. Cops posted that not only will you get a hefty fine, a criminal record, and lose your license for a year, they will also force you to listen to Nickelback on the way to the clink. Something tells me that the government of Canada gives out free copies of Nickelback albums to all of the police departments to use against their criminals. What else will they do with all the unsold albums?

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Oh Burrrrnnnnn


A photo posted by Erin Foster (@erinfoster) on
Ugh, the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show filmed today and all the beautiful, lithe Angel's took one plane to Paris to film the Earth's most unimportant fashion show. Honestly- does anyone buy the underwear that they model? It looks impossible to even put on- so many straps, studs, diamonds, feathers. I'm morally opposed to underwear lines, so none of their looks would work for me anyway.

It would be great to travel on that plane with all of those models- think of all the extra food there'd be. I'm always panicked on planes that there won't be any snacks left for me when the food cart comes through, because I always end up sitting in the back of the plane. Those models would be so preoccupied with taking selfies of themselves and sucking on ice cubes for sustenance, that I'd get ALL the snacks. Everyone wins!!!

Erin Foster, who is a semi-famous daughter of David Foster (ie, Yolanda's ex husband and Gigi and Bella Hadid's former step father) posted the above photo with the hilarious caption of "Raise your hand if you've told Leo you are on the pill" on Instagram. Oh Leo, you are an old man and a whore...and apparently now you are also a punchline to a joke.

Justin Bieber is not cute anymore.

Well, Bieber fans, this is what happens to your favorite pop star's face when you scream and cheer and hound and obsess too much. Poor Bieber is tired. He's stressed. You love him too much. You want too much of him. You screech too loudly during his concerts. You are stressing him out. He now looks like Napoleon Dynamite with an Uncle Rico hair cut and it's all your fault.

Justin has a horrible personality and is a monster douche bag, but he always had his looks. With enough duck tape and whiskey, I could have considered him as a celebrity cheat. But now he has no redeemable qualities and I will officially blame his fans for this. Thanks for nothing, you shrill Beliebers or whatever you call yourselves these days.