Shut Your Trap, Tom Brady

I'm probably the only human on God's great Earth who is not impressed by Tom Brady. I just can't get over that he hates strawberries. Unforgivable.

Well, Tommy Boy has "written" a "book". I use the term book loosely, because it's really a primer on how to be awesome like Tom Brady...by purchasing supplements from his health care line. In his book he shares lots of really, really bogus and dangerous health tips. For instance: if you drink 2.5 gallons of water a day, like he does, you won't get a sunburn. Because apparently hydrated skin is a barrier against harmful UV rays. I'm no doctor...oh wait, YES I AM..and are you f'ing kidding me, Tom? Why are you telling people this?!?! Are you in cahoots with the drug company that makes the dacarbazine (the only FDA approved chemo to treat melanoma)? This is dangerous information to share, because people trust you. I'm not sure why people would take medical advice from an NFL quarterback, but  they will, all while spending $203948320948 on your sham supplements, which you call "stupid water drop things." YOU ARE SO DUMB!!!!! 

Well sports fans, the person with that smug grin who you call The Greatest of All Time is trying to murder you with water and sunshine. Yeah!!!!