We might be in a fight with this one, but Zoe Kravit wins best dressed hands down. No competition. First and foremost, Zoe's face is perfection. I don't usually oooh and aaaah over bone structure, but Zoe has beautiful bone structure. Her face is one of the few that can rock a hair style as short as hers and she does it with ease. She's like a precious little bird and I want her to live in the front pocket of my overalls in a totally non creepy way. I love all the feathery fringe of her dress, i love that even the top has fringe. Most of all, I love the ROYGBIV theme of her skirt that seems to change color depending on what direction she's facing. OBSESSED! I want one to wear to work, the grocery store, to clean out my basement, to drop my kids off at school. I'll wear the f out of that dress and my 5 year old and all her friends will think I am the BOSS!!!
Monday, September 18, 2017
Best Dressed
We might be in a fight with this one, but Zoe Kravit wins best dressed hands down. No competition. First and foremost, Zoe's face is perfection. I don't usually oooh and aaaah over bone structure, but Zoe has beautiful bone structure. Her face is one of the few that can rock a hair style as short as hers and she does it with ease. She's like a precious little bird and I want her to live in the front pocket of my overalls in a totally non creepy way. I love all the feathery fringe of her dress, i love that even the top has fringe. Most of all, I love the ROYGBIV theme of her skirt that seems to change color depending on what direction she's facing. OBSESSED! I want one to wear to work, the grocery store, to clean out my basement, to drop my kids off at school. I'll wear the f out of that dress and my 5 year old and all her friends will think I am the BOSS!!!
Worst Dressed
Best Ability to Age Backwards
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Felicity Huffman is pulling some major Benjamin Button sh*t on us right now. She looks better and better every year. What's her secret? Let's hope its a steady diet of carbs, pizza, and wine. A girl can dream can't she?
Felicity Huffman is pulling some major Benjamin Button sh*t on us right now. She looks better and better every year. What's her secret? Let's hope its a steady diet of carbs, pizza, and wine. A girl can dream can't she?
Best Homage to the 1980s
Sarah Paulson is not scared to push the envelope. She was definitely trying to channel an androgynous 80's rockstar astronaut with this look. I'd say she was successful. It's certainly not for everyone. I sorta love the dress though wish is were a different length as it would be super sexy if it were shorter. I'm not even really that mad at those puffy shoulders. What I am a disappointed by his her hair and make up. Her dark roots and sad little pony tail. While I understand she's going for that "space chic" look, her hair and makeup just don't do it for me.
Best Emmy Best Friend
Vanessa Bayer looks like a person who wants to be my best friend. We could go to the Emmys together in our cute dresses and gossip about all the other celebrities. I'd pitch her ideas for SNL sketches and she'd say, "You are so funny, Beth, I'm going to ask Lorne Michaels to hire you as an SNL cast member." And then we'd go to the afterparties, get drunk, and throw up all over ourselves, because that's what true friends do. PS- I love her floral dress, super cute and fun!!!
Halfway to EGOT
I feel a little let down by Nicole Kidman's dress. It's pretty MEH, right? The length is weird, the color blends in with the red carpet, the cut is boring. There isn't really anything interesting about it and Nicole usually takes risks that I love on the red carpet. Nicole won Best Actress for her role in Big Little Lies. She was so so good in that role, it was such a nuanced, understated performance and it really showed how talented an actress she is. With the win, she is now halfway to the EGOT. Now she just needs an Tony and Grammy. Maybe she can win a Grammy for a duet with her mulletted husband. He definitely wins the award for worst hair in the world.
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Best Color
Viola Davis has never met a bright color she didn't love and I don't think I've ever hated anything she has worn on the red carpet. She NEVER misses. I love her purse, red lips, jacked biceps, and hot hubby. Killing it!
Best and Worst Aging Faces
Jessica Lange and Susan Sarandon hit the red carpet together at the Emmys. They star as Bette Davis and Joan Crawford in The Feud. According to IMDB, Jessica is 68 and Susan is 70. These two are a stark contrast to each other. Jessica's face looks like a melting candle with eyebrows. Susan looks like a hot 25 year old. Her face hasn't changed since Thelma and Louise. She looks amazing. Jessica is going to see these pictures and regret that botox smoothie she drank before the ceremony.
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Best Sleeves+Feathers+Sequins
There is a LOT going on with Tracee Ellis Ross's dress. Big sleeves, belt, sequins, feathers, weird length. I should hate it. I really should, but I can't. I can't because I love Tracee Ellis Ross so so much and she always looks like she's having so much fun. So despite the fact that on paper, this dress is a goddamn disaster, I love it and love her and will award her honorable mention for this crazy dress.
Best Old Lady
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Jane Fonda is made of plastic...but not low budget plastic, she's made of the same plastic that all those Little Tykes toys are made of that sit outside year after year, but never change or break down and continue to bring children joy. Jane Fonda is almost 80 and she looks so so good. She brought her A game to the Emmys this year with a new long, sleek pony and fierce bangs. And a waist, look at that waist. Should I remind you that she's almost 80?!?! She looks better than some of the girls 40 and 50 years her junior. Jane presented an award last night with Lily Tomlin and the incomparable Dolly Parton. These three old gals seem to have so much fun together. I love Dolly's sweet demeanor, but dirty mind. I want her to be my adopted me-maw.
Creepiest Plastic Surgery
I don't know who this guy is, but he apparently goes by the name of "Cameron Silver". I also have no idea who his date is. What I do know is that those two people have the same face and I don't think they are twins. I think they are friends who went to the plastic surgeon together and when the surgeon said "who do you want me to make you look like?" (Because, that's the first question all plastic surgeons ask at their first consultation, right?)they just pointed to each other. So the plastic surgeon was like "Hold my beer" and used an iphone app to morph their faces together and got to work. I have a feeling he was pleased with the outcome. Yup, that's totes what happened. The end.
Good Lipstick, Bad Dress
I'm not in love with Mandy Moore's dress. The tiered black and white make her look like a fancy skunk. She definitely makes up for the dress with her bright pop of pink lippie. Love it.
Sunday, September 17, 2017
Worst Curtains
Palest Emmy Winner
I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that Elisabeth Moss's favorite color is "pale skin". She matched her dress to her skin, then took it one level further and matched her shoes to her skin too. Then when it was time to do her hair and makeup she was all "nope, I'm good" and got into her limo. And that is how Elisabeth Moss got ready for the Emmys.
Best Dressed Male
Best California Raisin
Debra Messing's dress looks like a California Raisin and that's all I have to say.
Best Jewelry
I don't really have much to say about Emmy Rossum or her dress. I don't really think much about Emmy Rosum. In fact, I know so little about her, that I spelled her name wrong in the first sentence (keeping it to prove to you how little I care about Emmy Rosum). Her dress is ok. If someone was like "here Beth, wear this black dress" I wouldn't be mad at them, but I'd wish for something a little more fun. I love her jewelry though. The earrings are gooooorrrrggggeous. It helps that the rest of her presentation is so vanilla, because those earrings are outrageous. Did I mention that I love her earrings??
Best Green
I love a green dress. I don't love a low V, but I'm going to forgive for two reasons- because I love a green dress and because I appreciate Shailene's perky little 20-something boobs. I had those once, too, Shailene...them were the days. Back to the dress...it's super cute. But my real question...are tendril's coming back? Is that becoming a thing? If so, how can it be stopped. Just stay no to tendrils.
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| NOOOOO TENDRILS....GO BACK TO THE 90's!!!! |
Fiercest Girl Boss
There are some things I love about Reese's outfit. She usually wears precious, boring ball gowns that aren't really that remarkable. I love that she broke out of her usual mold. Is that oversized, satin tuxedo jacket with matching velvet heels cute? Not really. Would it look better styled with a tight, high pony and harder makeup? Yup. Does she look like a little kid playing dress up when she is standing next to Nicole Kidman? You bet. Despite that, I appreciate the look she was going. I think she was trying to be edgy without being cutesy. She is a total girl boss and is becoming a major producer of quality tv and movies with strong female roles. The real Reese (not that we've ever met, but I did watch her arrest videos 14 or so times) is a bit more rough around the edges. I'm giving her points for trying and for thinking outside the fashion box.
Roughest face
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Heidi Klum is a beautiful lady. It needs to be said. She has a smoking hot bod, she dates a guy half her age, she's rich, she's sassy. With that said, she looked horrible tonight. Her boobs look saggy, her makeup is dull, her hair is drab and drags her face down. She looks like a sad, anemic bird. Heidi is starting to suffer from the "face vs body" syndrome. As celebrities age, their calorie deficits start to catch up to them. In order to stay thin and keep their tiny bodies, they sacrifice the fat in their face, which then ages them. I think this is starting to happen to Heidi. The only treatment is lots and lots of alcohol so that her face gets bloated. Trust me, I'm a doctor.
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