Welcome Back, Barry

Embed from Getty Images After weeks and months of hiding (aka vacationing), Barry O has finally come out from under his hole to grace us with his presence, just when we needed it most. It's been a rough few months under the rule of the evil Pumpkin McTweetsalot. It's nice to see Barry's smiling mug to remind us that there was a time when we weren't governed by an incompetent white supremacist. Remember that, guys? Those were the days. He makes it all the sweeter by hanging out with my favorite ginge, Hot Prince Harry. Just throw in Oprah and Beyonce into this picture and my happy little heart would just EXPLODE!!!

Embed from Getty Images In addition to hanging out with Harry, Barry O was also hanging out with some former presidents- Billy Clinton and George Bush II. Remember when we all hated George Bush II and thought he was the WOOOORRRRSSSTTT. Boy were we wrong!! He may have been a puppet controlled by Dick Cheney, but he actually had a soul...and didn't have a Twitter account. Look at these three guys together. Can you just imagine what they talk about! But for real though...can they just have a reality show? Three ex-presidents on a road trip across the country. Bill would pick up the ladies, Barry would hang with all the hip millennials, and George II would be the weird, old uncle saying awkward things while trying to be cool. It would be a ratings hit! Make it happen, tv producers!!!

Newsflash: Hugh Hefner was an old man when he died!!

Poor Hugh Hefner died at the age of 91 on September, 27. Hugh hadn't been seen in public for a long time, because gasp...Hugh was old AF. This is a man who lived in his pajamas. I'm sure he reeked of nystatin and urine since the 1990s and I know this because all old men reek of nystatin and urine, because they are old and their bodies are decaying. The problem is that Hugh wanted everyone to believe that he was vigorous and virile and people did. He must still be youthful, why else would he have a bevy of blondes by his side? Because he enslaved paid them to be with him. It was all a facade. We should not be shocked that he was old and feeble and needing a walker to get around...because 90 year olds who spend their day in bed reading pornographic magazines in their pajamas tend to get pretty deconditioned. Sorry world, it happens to the best of us.

Enough Is Enough

UGH, the Kardashians. They keep reproducing. Last week we discussed that Kylie, the youngest Kardashian, was with child. Next, we hear that Khloe has a baby growing in her womb too...though this hasn't been confirmed, let's just assume it's true because Mama Kris was likely the one who dropped the tidbit to the gossip sites. Thirdly, not to be in anyone's shadow, Kim dropped that she and Kanye are expecting a baby via surrogate. Jesus Khrist, Kardashians, can you just please stop? It's becoming hard for me to keep up with all these Kardashians!! There are too many and they are all horrible. Can't the state of California issue a law that states "If you missuse the letter K or if you name your baby after a sleep state (I'm looking at you Rob Kardashian), you will be forced by the State of Kalifornia to be sterilized." I understand that eugenics is illegal...but this is an emergency!!

Good at lipstick, Bad at birth control

via GIPHY

The youngest and most radically metamorphized of the Kardashian klan, Kylie Jenner is pregnant at the age of 20, thus proving that her uterus was left alone when she injected her entire body with silicone and fillers. May the odds be ever in your favor, baby Jenner...

Carey Mulligan had a secret baby

Embed from Getty Images Carey Mulligan appears to have given Mumford another son. See what I did there? Actually, I have no idea if it was a boy or a girl, but Carey had another baby. Did you even know she was pregnant? Did you know that celebrities can have major life milestones in secret? It's rare, but possible. Carey Mulligan was last seen pregnant this summer, then she went on with her life and had a baby, and showed up to the premiere of her new movie unpregnant. So whenever you hear celebrities complaining about how they can't go anywhere without being photographed, think about Carey Mulligan...or even Taylor Swift or Kim Kardashian who have all gone weeks or months without having their photos taken.

Shut Your Trap, Tom Brady

I'm probably the only human on God's great Earth who is not impressed by Tom Brady. I just can't get over that he hates strawberries. Unforgivable.

Well, Tommy Boy has "written" a "book". I use the term book loosely, because it's really a primer on how to be awesome like Tom Brady...by purchasing supplements from his health care line. In his book he shares lots of really, really bogus and dangerous health tips. For instance: if you drink 2.5 gallons of water a day, like he does, you won't get a sunburn. Because apparently hydrated skin is a barrier against harmful UV rays. I'm no doctor...oh wait, YES I AM..and are you f'ing kidding me, Tom? Why are you telling people this?!?! Are you in cahoots with the drug company that makes the dacarbazine (the only FDA approved chemo to treat melanoma)? This is dangerous information to share, because people trust you. I'm not sure why people would take medical advice from an NFL quarterback, but  they will, all while spending $203948320948 on your sham supplements, which you call "stupid water drop things." YOU ARE SO DUMB!!!!! 

Well sports fans, the person with that smug grin who you call The Greatest of All Time is trying to murder you with water and sunshine. Yeah!!!!

J.Love

Jennifer Lopez is this generation's Jane Fonda- she's beautiful, she's a mediocre actress at best, and she doesn't age. Her face nor her body has really changed since her P.Diddy days. She looks fresh, tight, and vigorous. Her skin is perfection, her ass is high, she is gorgeous.

Jennifer was on this month's cover of Hola! Magazine discussing her relationship with Alex Rodriguez. Of course, she's deeply in love and everything is butterflies and rainbows." Jennifer may be a mediocre actress and singer, but she excels at falling madly and deeply in love. Mark my words, ARod will be Jennifer's 4th husband.


In case you were feeling like your skin was looking glowing and youthful, here's a photo of 48 year old J.Lo sans makeup to put you in your place like the old hag that you are....

Selena's New Kidney

Selena Gomez has been battling Lupus for many years. While she has been very open about her struggle with this diagnosis, she has kept the details of the disease and its effects on her body private. Last week, Selena announced that she had a kidney transplant in the beginning of the summer and apologized to her fans for "lying low" this summer after the surgery. Damn, girl, way to keep that under the radar. It's impressive that someone so high profile can keep that under wraps. Her friend was her kidney donor, which is so sweet and smart, because now Selena is indebted to her forever. If my rich friend needed a kidney I sure as hell would rent them one of my kidneys for a monthly fee #altruism.

Here are my questions about this:
1. Did Selena Gomez ask her boyfriend, The Weekend for a kidney?
2. Did Selena need dialysis
3. What immunosuppresant is Selena on now? Why in the hell do I care?

Harper's Bazaar Hates Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Aniston is on the cover of this month's Harper's Bazaar and I'm not sure what she did to piss off the magazine's editors, but man, she looks hella bad. You have to work hard to make Jennifer Aniston look like possessed dirt witch and Harper's managed to pull it off. First, her pose looks like she's picking her wedgie while holding in a fart. So awkward. Her hair is a wind blown hot mess...but not in a wind-machine-Beyonce way, but in a caught in a sand storm in the middle of the desert way. Her face looks like the makeup artist went to Sephora, bought all the bronzer in the store, and then put it all over her face. To add insult to injury, Harper's then put words like BEAUTY, CHIC, FABULOUS in all caps all over the cover to contrast the way that the cover model actually looks. Bitch move, Harpers,

Emmy Awards 2017

After a months long hiatus, I'M BACK!! I've got lots of Emmy coverage from last night's show..that I didn't watch because I was at work, but I did spend several hours ignoring my patients to scour the internet looking for pictures of Emmy Dresses. Keep scrolling through to the Older Posts to get all of my Emmy commentary.

Best Dressed

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We might be in a fight with this one, but Zoe Kravit wins best dressed hands down. No competition. First and foremost, Zoe's face is perfection. I don't usually oooh and aaaah over bone structure, but Zoe has beautiful bone structure. Her face is one of the few that can rock a hair style as short as hers and she does it with ease. She's like a precious little bird and I want her to live in the front pocket of my overalls in a totally non creepy way. I love all the feathery fringe of her dress, i love that even the top has fringe. Most of all, I love the ROYGBIV theme of her skirt that seems to change color depending on what direction she's facing. OBSESSED! I want one to wear to work, the grocery store, to clean out my basement, to drop my kids off at school. I'll wear the f out of that dress and my 5 year old and all her friends will think I am the BOSS!!!

Worst Dressed

Embed from Getty Images Ugh, Ariel Winter. I know she's only 19, but girlfriend needs to reign it in a bit. We get it Ariel, you have a vagina. I have one too, but I keep mine tucked away where it belongs. No peekaboos. She tries so so hard to be provocative. She's cute and has a cute little body, but this dress and styling is a mess. The slits, the ill fitting top, the over injected lips, the stripper heels, it's all too much. Ariel has had some personal misfortunes and was emancipated from her mother at a young age, so a lot of her behaviors make perfect sense. However, it does not excuse this mess of a dress. I just want to adopt her and take her shopping to pick out some cute clothes that cover up her reproductive organs and then let her pay because she makes way more money that I do!

Best Ability to Age Backwards

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Felicity Huffman is pulling some major Benjamin Button sh*t on us right now. She looks better and better every year. What's her secret? Let's hope its a steady diet of carbs, pizza, and wine. A girl can dream can't she?

Best Homage to the 1980s

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Sarah Paulson is not scared to push the envelope. She was definitely trying to channel an androgynous 80's rockstar astronaut with this look. I'd say she was successful. It's certainly not for everyone. I sorta love the dress though wish is were a different length as it would be super sexy if it were shorter. I'm not even really that mad at those puffy shoulders. What I am a disappointed by his her hair and make up. Her dark roots and sad little pony tail. While I understand she's going for that "space chic" look, her hair and makeup just don't do it for me.

Best Emmy Best Friend

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Vanessa Bayer looks like a person who wants to be my best friend. We could go to the Emmys together in our cute dresses and gossip about all the other celebrities. I'd pitch her ideas for SNL sketches and she'd say, "You are so funny, Beth, I'm going to ask Lorne Michaels to hire you as an SNL cast member." And then we'd go to the afterparties, get drunk, and throw up all over ourselves, because that's what true friends do. PS- I love her floral dress, super cute and fun!!!

Halfway to EGOT

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I feel a little let down by Nicole Kidman's dress. It's pretty MEH, right? The length is weird, the color blends in with the red carpet, the cut is boring. There isn't really anything interesting about it and Nicole usually takes risks that I love on the red carpet. Nicole won Best Actress for her role in Big Little Lies. She was so so good in that role, it was such a nuanced, understated performance and it really showed how talented an actress she is. With the win, she is now halfway to the EGOT. Now she just needs an Tony and Grammy. Maybe she can win a Grammy for a duet with her mulletted husband. He definitely wins the award for worst hair in the world.
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Best Color

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Viola Davis has never met a bright color she didn't love and I don't think I've ever hated anything she has worn on the red carpet. She NEVER misses. I love her purse, red lips, jacked biceps, and hot hubby. Killing it!

Best and Worst Aging Faces

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Jessica Lange and Susan Sarandon hit the red carpet together at the Emmys. They star as Bette Davis and Joan Crawford in The Feud. According to IMDB, Jessica is 68 and Susan is 70. These two are a stark contrast to each other. Jessica's face looks like a melting candle with eyebrows. Susan looks like a hot 25 year old. Her face hasn't changed since Thelma and Louise. She looks amazing. Jessica is going to see these pictures and regret that botox smoothie she drank before the ceremony. Embed from Getty Images

Best Sleeves+Feathers+Sequins

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There is a LOT going on with Tracee Ellis Ross's dress. Big sleeves, belt, sequins, feathers, weird length. I should hate it. I really should, but I can't. I can't because I love Tracee Ellis Ross so so much and she always looks like she's having so much fun. So despite the fact that on paper, this dress is a goddamn disaster, I love it and love her and will award her honorable mention for this crazy dress.

Best Old Lady

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I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Jane Fonda is made of plastic...but not low budget plastic, she's made of the same plastic that all those Little Tykes toys are made of that sit outside year after year, but never change or break down and continue to bring children joy. Jane Fonda is almost 80 and she looks so so good. She brought her A game to the Emmys this year with a new long, sleek pony and fierce bangs. And a waist, look at that waist. Should I remind you that she's almost 80?!?! She looks better than some of the girls 40 and 50 years her junior. Jane presented an award last night with Lily Tomlin and the incomparable Dolly Parton. These three old gals seem to have so much fun together. I love Dolly's sweet demeanor, but dirty mind. I want her to be my adopted me-maw.

Creepiest Plastic Surgery

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I don't know who this guy is, but he apparently goes by the name of "Cameron Silver". I also have no idea who his date is. What I do know is that those two people have the same face and I don't think they are twins. I think they are friends who went to the plastic surgeon together and when the surgeon said "who do you want me to make you look like?" (Because, that's the first question all plastic surgeons ask at their first consultation, right?)they just pointed to each other. So the plastic surgeon was like "Hold my beer" and used an iphone app to morph their faces together and got to work. I have a feeling he was pleased with the outcome. Yup, that's totes what happened. The end.

Good Lipstick, Bad Dress

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I'm not in love with Mandy Moore's dress. The tiered black and white make her look like a fancy skunk. She definitely makes up for the dress with her bright pop of pink lippie. Love it.

Worst Curtains

Embed from Getty Images Allison Janney's dress is the same exact pattern as my cheap-ass Ikea curtains in my dining room. Exactly. Maybe she loves Ikea. Maybe she's Swedish. Maybe this is a sign that she wants to come over for dinner. I hear you loud and clear, Allison, and I'm free on Wednesday.

Palest Emmy Winner

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I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that Elisabeth Moss's favorite color is "pale skin". She matched her dress to her skin, then took it one level further and matched her shoes to her skin too. Then when it was time to do her hair and makeup she was all "nope, I'm good" and got into her limo. And that is how Elisabeth Moss got ready for the Emmys.

Best Dressed Male

Embed from Getty Images Donald Glover rocked a purple tux like it was his job. Like he is the president of the tux models at Men's Warehouse. Hail to the Chief!!!

Best California Raisin

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Debra Messing's dress looks like a California Raisin and that's all I have to say.

Best Jewelry

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I don't really have much to say about Emmy Rossum or her dress. I don't really think much about Emmy Rosum. In fact, I know so little about her, that I spelled her name wrong in the first sentence (keeping it to prove to you how little I care about Emmy Rosum). Her dress is ok. If someone was like "here Beth, wear this black dress" I wouldn't be mad at them, but I'd wish for something a little more fun. I love her jewelry though. The earrings are gooooorrrrggggeous. It helps that the rest of her presentation is so vanilla, because those earrings are outrageous. Did I mention that I love her earrings??

Best Green

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I love a green dress. I don't love a low V, but I'm going to forgive for two reasons- because I love a green dress and because I appreciate Shailene's perky little 20-something boobs. I had those once, too, Shailene...them were the days. Back to the dress...it's super cute. But my real question...are tendril's coming back? Is that becoming a thing? If so, how can it be stopped. Just stay no to tendrils.

NOOOOO TENDRILS....GO BACK TO THE 90's!!!!

Fiercest Girl Boss

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There are some things I love about Reese's outfit. She usually wears precious, boring ball gowns that aren't really that remarkable. I love that she broke out of her usual mold. Is that oversized, satin tuxedo jacket with matching velvet heels cute? Not really. Would it look better styled with a tight, high pony and harder makeup? Yup. Does she look like a little kid playing dress up when she is standing next to Nicole Kidman? You bet. Despite that, I appreciate the look she was going. I think she was trying to be edgy without being cutesy. She is a total girl boss and is becoming a major producer of quality tv and movies with strong female roles. The real Reese (not that we've ever met, but I did watch her arrest videos 14 or so times) is a bit more rough around the edges. I'm giving her points for trying and for thinking outside the fashion box.

Roughest face

Embed from Getty Images Heidi Klum is a beautiful lady. It needs to be said. She has a smoking hot bod, she dates a guy half her age, she's rich, she's sassy. With that said, she looked horrible tonight. Her boobs look saggy, her makeup is dull, her hair is drab and drags her face down. She looks like a sad, anemic bird. Heidi is starting to suffer from the "face vs body" syndrome. As celebrities age, their calorie deficits start to catch up to them. In order to stay thin and keep their tiny bodies, they sacrifice the fat in their face, which then ages them. I think this is starting to happen to Heidi. The only treatment is lots and lots of alcohol so that her face gets bloated. Trust me, I'm a doctor.

Dad in Da Club

Prince William took his large, balding dad bod and his best dad sweater out to the club in Verbier, Switzerland and he showed us all his moves. And by "all" I mean his two moves of putting his arms up in the air like just don't care and then pointing to all of his subjects. Big Willie was in Switzerland skiing and having a grand old time while the rest of his family worked and his wife took care of his kids. Wow, you guys, being a prince who doesn't really work yet is still filthy rich and privileged is sooooo hard.

Best Best Friends

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I love best girl friends. Busy Phillips and Michelle Williams epitomize besties. They've been friends since they met on the set of Dawson's Creek and Busy is always Michelle's plus-one to awards ceremonies. Michelle seems very shy and pensive. I'm sure she's been accused of being a bitch more than once only because of her quiet, introverted nature. Busy on the other hand is bubbly and outgoing. I follow her on Instagram and she is hilarious and very down to Earth. Based on Busy's Insta-stories, she seems to bring out the silly in Michelle. They are really cute together and I bet having your bestie with you at a long, boring awards ceremony makes it much more tolerable! I love, love, love Busy's dress. Until I found pictures for this post, I thought it was black and wasn't that excited about it, but holy crap, it's green. I love a green dress. LOVE. I love this one and would put it right up there in my top 3 dresses of the night. I'm not that in love with Michelle's- it's pretty boring and safe. I'd love to see her in more color. Imagine her in a deep purple and berry lip. Yes!

 If you follow any one celebrity on Instagram, it should be her. Her instastories are phenomenal.

Worst fitting dress

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Giuliana Ranic looked awful last night. She's hit or miss on the red capet, but lately she's been more miss than hit. Her dress last night was the worst I've seen in a long time. There is so much wrong with it. The color is horrible with her hair and skin tone. The dress has cut outs, but they are lined with that horrible, nude pantyhose material that ice skaters use. It's bunching and looks awful. Finally, the dress does not fit her properly, it's too big. There appears to be extra material around her waist. Just not good all around. Her makeup and hair looked really bad. The nude lip with that dress is not good- too pale and anemic. I like Giuliana, she seems like a lovely, fun person, but this look is not lovely or fun, it's just sad.

Best pose

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Taraji P Henson, that girl can POSE! Look at her working the red carpet, she's fierce. She's my favorite at awards shows because she is a shameless super poser and it's fabulous. I love the pic with hand on her shoulder. She is giving all of her accessories their moment in the spotlight. Love her. I love this classic, dark blue velvet dress on her. I bet it was really pretty in person, because the blue only shows in certain lights in photos. In my opinion, there wasn't enough colorful on the red carpet. I'm glad she brought some sass to the party! Hidden Figures was the only non-animated movie I saw that was nominated. It was brilliant and she was so great in it...all the actresses were, hell even Kevin Costner was great! I can't recommend it enough.

Oh Canada

We interrupt this Oscar coverage to give you late breaking photos of Justin Trudeau's butt. Seriously though, is there any thing this man cannot do? He has a hot wife, he is adored by all heads of state who meet him, he's good at his job, he even helps people in wheelchairs down broken metro escalators. Honestly, he's perfect and I just want to smack his ass.

Father-Daughter Dance

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Hobo in a tux

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Have you ever heard of the charity "Hobos for Humanity"? Every year they go down to the train tracks and find a Hobo. They then take this hobo to a hotel, clean him up a bit, put him in a tux and bring him to the Oscars. This year they even let the hobo hold an Oscar. This is a great organazization, doing great work.

Best Old Hollywood

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Emma Stone was a shoe-in to win the Oscar. Prego Natalie Portman just gave up and didn't even bother attending the ceremony (or she had a baby and couldn't come, but that's a lame excuse because everyone LOVES a newborn at an awards ceremony). She dressed the part in a gold gown. She looks gorgeous. Her makeup and hair are so glamorous and very old Hollywood. Her lip color is perfection. I like the movement of the dress and the fit makes her look curvy. While this dress didn't blow my mind and it's a little safe, I do still think she looks so, so beautiful!! I love Emma Stone!

Best Dressed

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Worst dressed

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What in the living hell is this? I don't understand Dakota Johnson. I don't understand how she is a famous actress or how she is in a sexy movie having all the crazy sexy times. She seems like she barely has a pulse. She looks like she chronically needs a blood transfusion. She is so bland and monotone. This whole ensemble just pushes me over the edge in my WTF with Dakota Johnson. That dress is hideous. Her hair looks like she used mayonnaise as a hair treatment and didn't wash it out entirely and then just pulled it out of her face with a clip. Her face looks like she was just bitten by a vampire and then immediately given a tranquilizer. Who did this to her? I want names!!

Best Bridesmaid

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It is not an honor to be the best bridesmaid. Nobody wants to be the best bridesmaid at the wedding. They want to be the bride. Or the drunk girl in a cute dress of her own choosing who is scoring all the guys. Hailee is 20 years old. She should be wearing younger, cuter, funkier dresses. Remember the ugly lavender dress she wore to the Golden Globes? This is on par with that in terms of ugly and old. Who are the people giving her these dresses? Who are the people looking at her saying "yes, this is the ONE"? Those myopic bastards should be banished from her inner circle henceforth.

Best Red

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I love Viola Davis in everything. She loves color and I love her in all the colors. She can really wear anything and never seems to play it too safe. Red can be tricky with the red carpet and this dress did blend a bit with the carpet and background. Off the carpet, though, it's spectacularly simple. I love the shoulders and neckline and it fits her perfectly. Her hair and makeup are gorgeous. She's also one of my best dressed of the night!!

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Love her after party look with the gold kicks and white suit. She's perfection!!!

Princess dress gone bad

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Booooooo! This dress really checks all the boxes for what not to wear to the Oscars- Wrinkly taffetta, color that clashes with your skin tone and hair, bow on the boobs, giant ballooning ballgown. I love Leslie Mann so I forgive her, but she really failed with the dress this year. Usually her dresses are fabulous. She didn't even redeem herself with her after party dress. Super bummer.

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Weirdest shaped pubic hair

Actress that I've never heard of Blanca Blanco decided that she wanted to world to get to know her a little more intimately so she flashed her perfectly squared pubic hair for all to see. That's an impressive grooming job...oh wait...that's not pubic hair...let me correct myself...she flashed her labia for all the world to see. Seriously though, that's embarrassing. Those high slit dresses are getting higher and higher each year. Blanco probably thought that we'd be too distracted by her ugly shoes, ill fitting belt, and giant sleeves to notice her genitalia, she was wrong. Better luck next year.

Best Boobs

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Hey Girl, my sister has an amazing rack and so do you. Thanks Ryan, yes she does and yes I do too.

Worst use of butterflies

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Really Kelly Ripa? Really? You are a famous person with access to any designer, you are a perfect sample size, you can wear anything and this is what you choose? This? A goddamn dress adorned with butterflies? Well, it's awful and you should be ashamed of yourself. At least you were smart enough to remove that monstrosity for the after parties so that you could maintain some level of credibility amongst your peers. Those pants fit like a glove.

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Most Improved Worst Bangs

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You guys, I'm going to make a lot of enemies here. I need to tell the universe that I don't like Justin Timberlake. He's a good performer, but beyond that, he's just so painful. He's all about Justin Timberlake. Remember that time he was on the cover of people for his wedding pictures and it was him jumping in the air seeming to Karate kick his new bride who was hovering in the corner? Well I do. He's smug and annoying. Ok, I've gotten that off my chest.

On to Biel. Jessica is gorgeous. Her face is exquisite. Her body is banging. Her Bangs are not banging. They hid her beauty and make her look tired and worn. When her hair is off her face she looks so much better. She needs a shoulder length, choppy/wavy lob without bangs. That's my wish for Jessica Biel. Fortunately, her hairdresser was able to slick her bangs out of her face and glue them down on the side of her head. For anyone who has ever had bangs, this is no easy feat, so I commend the hair wizard for making this work. I'm 100% in love with her dress and I'd say it is one of my favorite of the night. It's unique, fits her perfectly, and I love the neckline.

And look at the fun, capey number she wore to the after parties. LOVE IT!!!! I want just one of her abs. Just one. Is that too much to ask?

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Best Plus One

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Denzel Washington and his wife are so precious together. I love her whole look- the red lip, the hair, the dress. She looks comfortable, confidant, and in love. Usually red dresses and red carpets clash or blend in together, but she seemed to transcend the red carpet and her famous husband and stand out on her own. Lovely.

Best Oscar Hair

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Out of nowhere comes Halle Berry, FTW!! We haven't seen or heard much from Halle professionally these past few years. But here she is, sitting in the front row with an unremarkable dress but an amazing head of hair. It's delicious. I want to take a nap in those soft, pillowy curls. She looks amazing. Her birth certificate tells me she's 50, but her face says she's 30, and my face tells Halle's face that it thinks it is beautiful.

Most Irridescent

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Nicole Kidman had quite a night. She had the best lipstick of the night. She showed up with a short man moppet with horrible highlights. She showed the world that she lacks the ability to clap her hands. And she won the award for being the most irridescent human on earth and was able to find a dress that matched her skin perfectly. A job well done!!!

OSCARS 2017

Hello PopCrushers. Sorry for the late update, but someone has to make sure that all the sick people in Central Vermont stay alive and tonight that person is me. So I didn't actually watch the Oscars live..but it doesn't really matter because the actual ceremony is really boring. I watched the important parts- like when Dick Tracy ruined the lives of the entire cast of LaLa Land. At the end of the day, it's not about who wins and loses, it's about how ugly or pretty your dress was. So let's get on with it shall we. There will be lots of posts- Enjoy!!

SNL has been killing it lately. Everyday the White House and Congress just pour out material for them to satirize. Sadly, it's like shooting fish in a barrel, but what SNL does with the material is genius. I love this sketch. I love that SNL is hitting a particular narcissist right where it hurts- in his little sexist ego. A job well done!!!

Meanwhile at the BAFTAS...

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Will and Kate!!! There was speculation as to whether or not these two were going to show. Will is the President of the BAFTA and has skipped out on the awards the last two years. There were reports that Will didn't want Kate to come as to not "show up" any of the stars. Kate doesn't seem to grasp or accept that she IS the star. Her presence brings attention to the awards and makes them that much more special and sparkly. You'd think, as the president of the BAFTA, you would want as much acclaim and free press for your awards as possible.

Kate wore an Alexander McQueen from the Spring/Summer 2016 Resort Collection. The dress fits her like a glove and man, her body is tight. #bicepgoals. I like the dress, its different for her. Her makeup looks good. I'd love to see her with a bolder lip, but I'm not mad at her eye look, especially since she did not go heavy on the lower lid for once. That hair though. Just no. She needs a new hair stylist....one that doesn't use a bump-it.

The Queen Forgives

Beyonce just performed on the Grammy Awards. My friend, Devon, just texted me and asked me, "Is Beyonce supposed to be Jesus @ the last supper??" Yes, of course she is.

Beyonce is the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.
Beyonce is the Queen
Beyonce distracted us from the shit show in Washington DC for a solid 24 hours.

As a lover and scholar of Beyonce's Lemonade, her song choices tonight were no mistake. She chose 2 slow songs most likely to avoid high impact dancing. Her boobs likely petitioned for the slow songs as they were not interested in being harnessed by 2 sports bras! Lemonade focuses on Beyonce being wronged (ie- Jay Z cheating on her with Becky with the Good Hair). It has several chapters of her healing- denial, anger, sadness, freedom, forgiveness, hope, rebirth. Beyonce has clearly forgiven her philandering husband. She pregnant with his babies. She chose those songs to let the world know that they are all right. We can all move on now, because Beyonce has.

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Hello From the Other Side!

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Hello, how are you? I've been wondering if after all these weeks you'd like to meet? I've been working, shoveling, skiing, marching, candy crushing, not blogging. Hello from the other side...

Sorry, guys. January wrapped me in a blanket of darkness and laziness and obsessiveness with Trumpness and I couldn't get out of my own way to care much about pop culture when I was so distracted by the news. Dan Rather has become the most compelling part of my day...DAN RATHER, GAAAAAHHHH!!

Tonight is the Grammy Awards. Next week is the Oscars. I will have a TON of posts next Sunday for Oscar Fashion. The Grammys are less fashionable and much more D-list. There are a lot of bottom of the barrelers who show up on the red carpet for the Grammys, I love it. Adele opened the show and of course, she's exquisite. Her performance dress was gorgeous- she looked like a rare fish with beautiful scales. Her green dress on the red carpet was also gorge. Not my favorite thing she's worn, but I like her in color and it's so interesting and detailed. Superb!!

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Ben Affleck has seen better days...

Ben Affleck was seen out and about last week with a mystery blond and everyone got excited that she was his new lady friend. She wasn't. Nope, she was his  detox nurse/sober companion. She owns a concierge at home detox business. I hope she gets paid well, because nothing is worse than people who are going thru detox. They may suck as drunks, but trust me, they suck worse when they are in drug and alcohol withdrawl. Beyond that, now she has to baby sit him and make sure he doesn't put anything toxic in his mouth. Worst.job.ever.

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Now that we've talked about Ben's sobriety or non-sobriety, jury is still out, let's talk about his face. It looks bad. He has clearly had some work done on his eyes and has also had way too much botox. His face is way too tight. His eyes are pulled so tight, I wonder if he can even close them. He's gonna start to look like Kenny Rogers soon if he doesn't quit his current plastic surgeon.

Is Amal with Child(ren)?

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Amal Clooney is a super-female. She's beautiful, smart, stylish, svelt, successful and married to a movie star. If that's not enough, now Amal is reportedly growing not one but two babies in her womb. Of course she is. Can't she just be average, just this once? Nope, she has to show us all that her tiny uterus can nourish two fetuses. Of course, this has not been confirmed by the Clooney-Amal camp, but she has reportedly been spotted in fertility clinics in both New York and London and she was noted to be drinking only water at the event at which the above photo was taken...drinking water at parties is the universal sign of being pregnant by the way. Wearing a busy, lose fitting dress is as well. Based on these photos, it looks s though even the notion of having children has instantly aged George 5-10 years, homeboy is looking rough.

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Best Dressed

I couldn't decide on just one best dressed this year. I either really hated the dresses or liked them equally. Nobody stood out the most as being the top of the heap.

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I love Sarah Paulson. This dress didn't really stand out to me when I was looking at red carpet pictures, but when Sarah won and was moving in the dress, I really loved it. My favorite part is the golden zebra pattern. It's really distinct. I love the boatneck cut and then open back. I don't love Sarah's styling and I think it brings down the overall look. I could do without the center part and she needs a brighter lip.

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Are we in a fight that I like this curtain dress? I'm sorta in a fight with myself about it. It looks like curtains and it has a bow...two things I am against. Let me clarify, I have nothing against curtains themselves, but I generally dislike dresses that look like curtains. Despite this dressing standing for everything I'm against, I love it. I love how it flows and how it moved on stage. I love the colors. I like the lightness of it. It's just pretty to my eyes. I could love it more if it didn't have the bow and had a sash or something different at the waist, but I can forgive.

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I think if someone forced me to pick one person as my best dressed, I'd pick Emma Stone. I just love her so much and her overall look tonight was perfection. She looked like a she had a different light shining on her- like she was kissed by the angels all night long. She looks so ethereal. The dress itself was not a total grand slam, but it was pretty. I loved the stars. Her makeup was beautiful and hair, while it would have driven me nuts and been a mess by the end of the night, fit the look well. Emma always has interesting choices in fashion and I'm excited about future looks from her!

Best Metallic

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Naomie Harris is so beautiful. I love this dress. I love the metallic color but also love the texture and rigidity of it. Her hair and simple styling is also stunning. A+

Christ

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What in the ever living hell has happened to Sylvester Stallone's face? He presented the final award tonight and his face was legit orange. The shade of orange does was much brighter on my TV than in the above photo. Everyone looked really orange tonight, so much that I actually adjusted my television picture, because I thought my tv was playing games with me. Sly was the orangest of them all. He looks like an over-botoxed Oompah loompah with hair plugs. I'm going to wager a bet that is not the intended look he is going for.

Most Improved Hair

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The last time we saw John Travolta and Kelly Preston at an awards show (see below), he looked like a wax figure of John Travolta and she looked like a wax figure of Marie Osmond. I'm happy to say that they have turned things around at their at home wax studio so they now look like real live human versions of themselves!!!

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