Kate in Kanada: Keeping it Kasual

Kate and Will continue to traipse around Western Canada. Yesterday they brought out Charlotte and George to a garden party, where Charlotte showed her royal subjects not that she is not to be messed with by beating the crap out of a balloon arch and using a dog as a bouncy chair. Princess Fisty-cuffs, for real!!! I've noticed that Kate has a certain way of picking up Charlotte so that her diapers/bloomers never show. She also is able to scootch down to talk to her kids while wearing a dress and never showing the world her royal baby maker. This is what Kate is doing when she is not in the public eye- she is in "Crotch Covering Boot Camp". Nothing the royals do is by accident.

Today Will and Kate left the kids to further terrorize their royal subjects in private while they threw on some casual attire and visited some islands off the coast of British Columbia. Is Kate wearing a braided hair headband? Is that her real hair or fake hair? Are braided hair headbands a thing...like those fake hair scrunchies people use to make themselves look like they have a big messy bun on top of their heads? So many questions.

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Kate wore some green skinny jeans and a perfectly tailored blazer. Kate has some great blazers and they all fit perfectly. I'm telling you guys, her casual look far outweighs her dressier style. She nails it every time.

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Finally, I just need to highlight Kate's pert little bum. I'm sorry Kate to treat you like a piece of meat, but I'm sure you work hard on that ass and it needs to be celebrated. Bum slap from me to you!!!

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Hot Wife > NFL

Tom Brady got suspended from the New England Patriots for four games for doing something illegal with his balls. Rather than sit on the sidelines and support his team, while the win without him, he has jetted off to Italy with his hot wife, Gisele. The look on his face says it all- 'duuuuuhhhh'. I kid, I kid, Tom isn't that dumb, guys. He's really smart, because he's spending his time off banging his hot wife, riding on a yellow scooter with a matching helmet, not eating strawberries, and not getting knee injuries and chronic traumatic encephalopathy. Who's winning now?

Kate in Kanada: Strong Koat Game

Can you imagine what Kate Middleton's coat closet looks like? Like a beautiful wooly Skittle explosion. She has so many coats in every color. I was looking for photos of her green coat from today and googled "Kate Middleton green coat" and found 43983204 photos of her wearing a multitude of green coats. All of them are so pretty. I may come down hard on Kate's dresses sometimes, but I can't diss her coat game...it's strong.

Love this green coat she wore yesterday. It's a repeat Hobbs Persephone coat. She fashions hers with leather belt, but it's sold with a wool sash, which I prefer. The scarf she is carrying is a maple leaf tartan.

Kate pulled out two more coats today. One was a lovely Carolina Herrara red wool coat. Again, she should wear as many jewel colors as possible, they look so pretty. This red is a little too buttony for me, but Kate loves a button.

 Later in the day Kate and Will slipped into something a little more comfortable. I sometimes perfer Kate's casual style. I'm sure that even while she is just hanging out with her kids at her giant country estate that she looks great. She can wear the shit out of a pair of jeans, can't she? Her legs were created so that at least one person on Earth would look good in skinny jeans. Why, God, why couldn't it be me, why?!?!

Can we talk about this coat for a moment. Can we have a moment of silence for this coat? I love it so much. I love it so much that I want to cheat on my husband with this coat. This is a young, modern, fun little number. This is what I want more of. I'm sort of obsessed with wrap style jackets this fall and now I need this one...though I will never have it because it costs $900. The coat looks perfect with her little skinny jeans and cowboy boots. She looks so casual and relaxed. Look at how she looks at Prince William- so cute. I like his double sweater, plaid shirt look too, strong work today Will and Kate.

Watch This...ANGLOPHILES!!

While we are the subject of the Royal Family, Netflix has a new show coming out in November called "The Crown". The show covers the early years of Queen Elizabeth's reign and her marriage to Prince Phillip and of course it looks juicy. I will eat this shit up with a big silver spoon!!!

ps- If you love all things royal and have never read Kitty Kelley's, The Royals, I urge you to do so. Sure there are sprinkles of heresay and dashes of rumors throughout, but she does paint a great and well researched history of the modern Royal Family. It was a fascinating read.

Stuff That Happened This Week...

1. Liberty Ross had a birthday party. Who is Liberty Ross? Are you ready for this Hollywood 6th degrees of separation? Here it goes...Liberty was married to Rupert Sanders who directed Snow White and the Huntsman and with whom Kristen Stewart cheated on Rob Pattinson. Liberty is now married to Jimmy Iovine, a big music producer and co-founder of Interscope records. A person at the party took a video of Mick Jagger and Taylor Swift dancing together to LL Cool J performing. Jesus Christ. And to think that today, I thought I was cool because I took care of a really old patient who personally knew Franklin Delano Roosevelt when he was a kid.#imnotcool

That time when you stood behind Mick Jagger and Taylor Swift whilst LL Cool J rapped at an LA birthday party. #wasthatallreal #bonkers #prettyawesome #onlyinLA #beverlyhills #taylorswift #llcoolj #mickjagger @llcoolj

A video posted by Pip Sansom (Williams) (@pipular) on Sep 25, 2016 at 1:00pm PDT

2. Gwynnie reminded us that she's doesn't need any makeup to look prettier than all of us and also that she's 44 but looks 24. How can I hate and love someone so much at the exact same time???!!!

#nomakeup for my 44th birthday, embracing my past and future. Thank you for the instalove #goopgoesmakeupfree @goop

A photo posted by Gwyneth Paltrow (@gwynethpaltrow) on Sep 27, 2016 at 5:49pm PDT

3.  Vitalii Sediuk is brazen idiot prankster who likes to ambush celebrities on the street. He has been banned from the United States for his antics. This week he grabbed Gigi Hadid on the street and got a face full of her elbow while her horrible security guards just stood by like dopes and watched her defend herself. Today, Vitalii tried his luck with Kim Kardashian and failed horribly. She hardly seemed fazed by his presence while her body guards tackled him immediately. Gigi needs to call Kim and get a referral ASAP. 

Watch This...

When I was a kid I used to love it when ESPN aired NFL Films's recaps of important games- usually a Superbowl or a really good play-off game. Remember those? They used to play them on Sunday mornings before the games and I'd watch them after church. They were so dramatic with the intense music (that was recorded by an orchestra for the shows), slow motion plays, and oh so serious commentary. My favorite part of these mini documentaries was that everyone was mic'd up. I loved hearing the coaches yelling at the players, the quarterbacks calling their plays, and the grunts and whoops of all the players. Here's a very dramatic replay of Superbowl 26...

This week I was searching through Amazon for something to watch at the gym and found All or Nothing: A Season with The Arizona Cardinals, produced by NFL Films...which means...DRAMATIC MUSIC!! The show follows around the Arizona Cardinals through their 2015 Season. It's been out for a while, but I'm not known for having my finger on the pulse of what's new on TV (or on the radio).  It is narrated by the smooth voiced Jon Hamm aka Don Draper aka the voice from the Mercedes commercials. I found myself getting choked up the other day on the elliptical machine when one of the rookies scored a touchdown on his first pass of the season- after he replaced an injured veteran player. I mean, if a show makes me cry at the gym, it must be good, right?!

If you like to watch football with a side of emotional music, serious commentary, behind the scene footage, and mic'd up players than you will love this show.

Kate in Kanada Day 3/4

Will and Kate are traveling around British Columbia showing the world that they do, indeed, have the easiest jobs in the world. Sure, sure, smiling and making small-talk and showing fake enthusiasm about everything can get tiring after a while. I'd maybe feel bad for them if they did this job day in and day out like their grandmother, the Queen, but since they work on average 4 days a month, I have zero ounces of compassion for their plight.

Moving onto clothes...Kate's dress is her same old formula. Buttons, fitted through the waist, plain print, girly touches. I don't hate the dress though. I like the color and the fit on her. Her hair looks great. I think I'm in the minority for my disdain of Kate's style. Most people seem to love her clothes and find her to be a style icon, so you all are probably reading this and thinking I'm a judgy byatch. I'm gonna go ahead and blame it on Nina Garcia from Project Runway. She's taught me to view fashion with a critical eye.

Prepare yourself. I'm going to give Will a compliment now. Wait for it...wait for it...I like his hair. WHAT? Let me explain. Will has been sporting a bit of a comb over for the past few years. He was keeping the sides a bit longer and parting the thin hair on top and it was aging him. He has finally cut the sides shorter and his ever thinning hair on top looks less comb-overy. It looks much better. Plus, Will is in great physical shape and can really wear the hell out of a pair of pants. This is a good look on him. I can't believe I'm saying that.

The night prior Kate went formal in a gorgeous red dress. I love this dress. See, I don't trash on all of her fashion choices! I love the color, the neckline, the length, the cut, the fit. I love that she brought out the Canadian maple leaf brooch again. She looks beautiful. It looks like she also attended a gun show that night too, because holy balls, look at those biceps. They are her best accessory. Working four days a month, having a full time nanny, housekeepers, and personal assistant looks gooooood on her.

Another less dramatic DUNZO

Naomi Watts and her husband, Liev Schreiber took advantage of the Celebrity News Eclipse that is the Brangelina breakup to slip the news of their break-up into the press. I'm not sure that people would have been that excited even if it were a slow celebrity news week, but they got even less press with the timing of their announcement.

I have to confess that I felt a bit more sadness about this break-up than the Brange break-up. Of course, I was sad for the Jolie-Pitt kids, but let's face it, they live in a chaotic household with many nannies and parents that are likely not all that present or at the least, not present jointly. I also did not have any expectation that Brad and Angie would last, so it wasn't that surprising when they didn't

Naomi and Liev have not been immune to cheating rumors (him cheating on her) and marriage troubles, but they seemed committed to their kids and their quiet life in NYC. I always feel more sympathy for "normal" couples when they split. I can't relate to exotic species like Brange, so I'm less affected by their break-up.

Kate in Kanada part II

 

After Will and Kate landed in Vancouver today, they dropped the kids off with a sitter and changed into something a little more edgy. Will took off his dark blue suit and put on a dark gray suit. Simmer down, Will, you're starting to get a bit crazy. Kate slipped on a $5000 Alexander McQueen dress from the 2017 resort collection. It was customized for her (see the photo of the original dress below) with a change in sleeves and made a bit longer. I have good and bad feelings about this dress. First, I love the print. It was chosen because it represents the Canadian flag. It's a departure for Kate to choose such an different print and I like it. Red looks amazing on her. I like the details of the neckline. What I don't love about this dress is the change of sleeves. The original sleeves were a large bell type sleeves. They countered the flouncy bottom. They gave the dress maturity, interest. With the tailored, long sleeves the dress becomes stuffy and a bit picky and it makes the skirt look like a school girl's. She probably would have been slayed for wearing such a "weird" dress if she'd kept the sleeves, but I think she would have rocked it. Next, her styling is off. The red heels are so specific and the purse is too matchy matchy. How great would a dark belt look with the dress like below? Mega-great. I know I'm being very critical here, but that's my job as the official Royal Canadian Tour Fashion Correspondent. 

Here's the original dress:

Kate in Kanada

Will and Kate are in Kanada (I've been so influenced by the Kardashians that sometimes I don't acknowledge that C's exist). Today is day one. I'm going to lay down some ground rules for my coverage of their trip:
1. I only care about what people are wearing
2. Except for Will because he only wears navy blue suits

Let's begin with Kate. Many think she is a style icon, like Princess Diana. I'm not convinced. I wish she'd take more risks like Diana did. Kate dresses conservatively and while most times, I don't mind her dresses, I just wish she's mix it up a bit with her styles and designers. Kate also needs to mix it up with her shoes. While nude and navy blue pumps are fine, she needs to go online to Nordies and find some interesting, stylish, fun shoes (plus free shipping and returns)!

I like Kate's dress. It's a pretty color on her and a nice fit. It's nothing we haven't seen before and quite frankly, it's a little old-fashioned looking. Little Charlotte's dress is so cute though. I love smocking. I wish I could dress my daughter in a smocked dress every day. I can critique Kate's style until I'm blue in the face, but I can't trash the way she dresses her kids. They always look so well put together in their classic kids attire. A+ for kid styling!

Next up is Sophie Gregoire-Trudeau, the First Lady of Canada. Sophie has keen eye for style. She wears a lot of unknown Canadian designers. She seems a bit more trendy, bold, and youthful with her style. I love her deep violet dress. It's a simple sheath cut, but the color and shoulder details elevate it. Love her shoes, don't love her hat. When I first looked at the photo, I did like the hat, but as I looked at more shots, the different color was somewhat distracting. Sophie has perfect wavy hair. It looks great with the hat. I think I have a new First Lady crush.                                                                                        Her husband, Justin (also known at the Prime Minister of Canada), looks great too. I'm digging his three piece suit. The world needs more snappy three piece suits. Justin also has an amazing head of hair. It's like a Canadian Hair-Off between Kate, Sophie, and Justin. Poor Will is left out of this one. I guess he can be the hair competition judge.

And then there's this lady. Who is she? Who the hell cares, right?!?! Actually, I do. She is the Canadian Governor General's wife and her outfit is awesome. What is a Governor General? He/she is the representative of the queen in each of her commonwealth states. The hat, the bright yellow-green color, the sassy jacket, her giggles with Kate, I'm in love. She is perfection. 

The future King of England does not high-five

Prince George is in Canada and let's get one thing straight from the get go- George high fives no one, not the Prime minister of Canada, not the Queen of England, no one. This is a kid who met Barack Obama in his bathrobe. I'm surprised he even put on pants for the Canadian Prime minister.  Justin Trudeau tried to pretend to be the cool uncle by high fiving little George, who would have none of that bullshit. He also scoffed at a low five. Nice try, Uncle Trudeau. Don't bother trying to steal his nose or he will sick his royal guards on you.

Not Horrible

I rate Kim K West's clothes on a scale of 0 to not horrible. With not horrible being the best she can every really achieve. It hasn't always been this way. Kim used to dress fairly cute. She's never been a style icon, but she using her nipples as an accoutrement. It's really been since Kanye has entered her life that her style has taken a down turn, especially since she's become a walking billboard for his Yeezy collections.

Kim and Kanye were at a wedding last night. She is dressed head to toe in Yeezy and it's not horrible. Yay?!?! Her hair and makeup are gorgeous. Say what you will about Kim, but her make-up as of late has been much more natural and lovely. I like her necklaces. The dress is fine, again, not horribe. Those damn boots, though. They need to go away. She needs to tell Kanye to shove those damn boots up his own arse when he asks her to wear them with his clothes.

Michelle Hugs it Out

If a picture is worth 1000 words, what would this one say? This would be a perfect SAT essay topic. God we could wax on about the racial and political implications of this photo, couldn't we? But I won't. All I can think about is how much I love Michelle O!!! Can the nation just agree that the next 4 years are going to be tough, no matter who the president is, because we will not have Michelle. We don't realize how important a role Michelle plays for our country. She is our style, our strength, our mother, our best friend. She is the antithesis of a politician, but could be an amazing politician with her honesty, intelligence, and ability to play ball with everyone. Look at her hugging Georgie B at the opening of the Smithsonian National Museum of African American History. The expression on his face shows that he's happy to be warmly embraced by the First Lady. Think about how many public figures could get away with hugging a former president without it looking contrived or very uncomfortable.

Let's take advantage of every moment we have left with Michelle. Our time is fleeting. Come January we will either have Melania (shudder) or Bill as our First Spouse. Neither will be able to fill Michelle's cute, practical shoes. Tear..dripping....down.......face.................

I really regret doing this...

This is too much. I love Zach Galifianakis's Between Two Ferns, mostly because he plays such an ignorant asshole. Hillary plays him well with her unimpressed attitude towards his tomfoolery. She was apparently diagnosed with pneumonia on the day this was filmed so her calm demeanor is most likely due to the fact that she was septic #metabolicenephalopathy.

The real Power Couple

While the world is mourning the loss of the last Movie Star Glamour Couple, Amal Clooney stepped out to remind us that She and George are still here on Earth being super glamorous and important. Amal is who Angie wants to be. She smart, gorgeous, well-dressed, powerful, connected, and successful. Amal is currently suing ISIS. Yes, you read that correctly, ISIS. Go big or go home, Amal.

Mean Tweets

It's funny to watch celebrities read their own mean tweets. I particularly enjoy Margot Robbie's tweet. I'm going to start using that insult on the daily.

Shovey McPunchyfists

Before we get into the newest information about the Brad and Angie bust up, can we first talk about how good the late 1990/early 2000s were for Brad Pitt? Fight Club came out in 1999 and I'm gonna go ahead a call this his hottest movie (followed closely by The Legends of the Fall from 1994). My number 3 favorite Brad Pitt role was in Ocean's 11, but it was more for his cute personality and friendship with George Clooney's character. I don't remember seeing him with his shirt off in that movie, so he gets no points for hotness. Jennifer Aniston really got the best of Brad. Even if she lost the man himself, she got his best years, so she should feel smug about that.

Ok, let's move on. Enough about talking about Brad's face and abs. Let's talk about his troubled soul. Because, shit is not right with Brad Pitt right now. TMZ has reported this am that Brad and Angie were in an argument on their private plane. 15 year old Maddox jumped up to defend his mom and that's where things went south. Brad lunged at Maddox and Angie stepped in to block him. Brad connected somehow with Maddox, but it is unknown to what extent and if it was intentional or accidental.

An interesting detail that TMZ reveals is that "Angelina says he was sober at the time but got drunk later in the flight." Brad's sources state he was drunk at the time. I think this will be a very important detail. It's interesting that Brad's taking the "I was drunk" angle. But with this he can blame everything on drunken rage and go to rehab and make everything better. If he was sober, than he's just an angry sober guy who attacks 15 year olds. That's harder to rehab. Another tidbit from TMZ is that "our sources say Brad has never acted aggressively toward his kids in the past -- other than verbally -- and Angelina felt the incident on the plane was a deal breaker." I love how "other than verbally" was slipped in there. I can see Brad being a yeller, can't you?

To be continued...

Brad Strikes Back

If only Brad were as smart as his Fight Club character...if only...

Yesterday I wondered how Brad Pitt would play defense after Angelina's bomb drop. Turns out Brad also doesn't have a publicist. He quit his in 2008 and has been under the control of medial wizard, Angie since then. Now he's on his own. He responded to Angie's allegations that he's an unfit father by arguing that "she's just unleashed hell" because "there's now a bounty on the heads of the entire family, because they've now become a prime target for the gaggle of paparazzi." He also corresponded directly with TMZ.

Let's dissect this, shall we?
1. His response to Angie calling him out on his parenting is to call her out on her parenting. He just issued a proverbial "NO, YOU ARE!!!" as part of his first defense.
2. He wasn't even creative enough to use a different media outlet. It's like he googled "Brad and Angie Divorce" and since TMZ had the most legitimate coverage of his break-up, he decided to go with them first. DUH! Branch out and find a different place to leak your information, you bonehead. There's US Weekly, Huffington, People, PopCrush...lots of people would be happy to report on your behalf.
3. Brad needs to hire help immediately. He'd better call the number two image controller, Beyonce, for some tips ASAP. She'll have him releasing a secret album in no time. It will have his side of the story laid over 10 tracks and a artsy video to go along with it entitled, "Sour Grapes". 

I am in no way, Team Angie and my opinion of Brad took a nose dive right around the time he cheated on his wife with the human form of Ursula the Sea Witch.
Despite this,  I've always been fascinated by their little insular world, her image control, and his dimwitted ability to just roll along with it all. They are stars alone, but otherworldly together. Which makes them so, so interesting and makes this whole divorce even more so. This could have been a private, quiet divorce, because Angie knows how to do that. She has the skills to make an under-the-radar divorce happen...just like she made their under-the-radar marriage happen. And her mastectomy happen. She issued her statement as it was yesterday on purpose and it was to get everyone's attention.

There have been rumors that "something" happened. One "source" is referring to an incident that happened about 1 week ago which gave her no choice but to file for divorce. Something that forced her hand. Here's is a quote from US Weekly, clearly released by someone close to her or even Angie herself (shit, Brad, she's cornering the market...you'd better turn to Instagram, FB, Snapchat, youtube as fast as possible and make them yours):

“The final divorce decision was only made one week ago,” the insider tells Usof Jolie Pitt’s resolve to permanently part ways with Pitt, 52. “An incident took place and prompted [Angelina] to act and file.” While details of the incident remain unknown, the insider tells Us that it “affected the entire family.” Though she may have acted hastily, pulling the plug on her relationship with the eternal heartthrob was not an easy call to make for Jolie Pitt, 41. “She still says Brad is the love of her life, and the decision has weighed heavy on her heart,” the source adds. “Her priority now is the children.” The Oscar-winning actress and director is presently in New York, according to the insider.

God, I can't get enough of the power plays here. I predict Brad will realize he's in way over his head with his mastermind wife and hire himself a powerful attorney and publicist. 

Angelic 2 the Core

Oh lordy, lordy. The Today Show clearly has waaaay to much time to fill everyday and had to scrape the bottom of the barrel with diamond blade scraper to find this musical act. Something tells me that Corey Feldman, a group of college girls, and this "rapper" who happened to be on his 20th wedding anniversary trip in NYC with his wife were all standing out in Rockefeller Plaza holding signs and acting super excited, like tourist do on the Today Show. The producers needed to fill up 5 minutes of time and asked for a show of hands to see who'd be willing to perform. Corey, who never says no to screen time, jumped at the opportunity. An oversized Men's Warehouse white tuxedo vest, three dollar store halos, and a quick iphone snap of Corey's cd cover and they were ready to roll.  Thank you, Stacey G for the heads up! I'm going to head to my nearest Sam Goody and purchase this album asap.

It's Like Keyser Soze Tweeting "I was Kevin Spacey the whole time"

I'm just going to leave this right here. It speaks for itself.