Hot Couple Alert!!

YES!! Finally, J.Lo found herself a proper fling. One who is not a back up dancer with a heinous face. One who IS a sensitive rapper with an extensive turtleneck collection. Am I upset that Drake and Rihanna are no longer together? Sure. But if he had to chose anyone else to be with, I'm glad it's J.Lo. Because she deserves a Man, not a boy like Jasper Smart or a dictator like Marc Anthony. J.Lo doesn't need to marry Drake, she doesn't even need to declare him her boyfriend, because ultimately, Drake is Rihanna's bonafide and they will end up together in the end. J.Lo  just needs Drake for a hot fling. Unfortunately, J.Lo doesn't have hot flings and Drake doesn't seem to want to settle down with anyone, so she may end up with a heartache. Despite this, I want this relationship to last through the winter so that J.Lo can be Drake's date to the Grammys. J.Lo at the Grammys is always magical with Drake on her arm, she will be a god damn wizard! 2016 took a lot of things away from us, but it gave us this and for that, I'm thankful.

Christmas With the Cambridges

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Again, I cannot express my love for all of Kate Middleton's coats. The outfits underneath...meh, but her coats...YEAH!! Kate and family came out of hiding for Christmas with the Middletons adorned in lovely wool coats. Well...most of the family. Will gets zero points for creativity for his navy blue jacket over the same navy blue suit that he wears for every outing. Mix it up, Will.

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Enough about boring Will though, back to Kate. Her coat is FAB-U-LOUS. I love it so much. The fur, the color, the fur, the belts, did I mention that how much I love the fur collar. I don't always love her belts, but this belted coat looks great, because it matches the belts on the arms. Such a cute, extra detail. Another cute detail, that you know she totes did on purpose was to match her purse to little Charlotte's tights. How cute is that? I love it! And I love Charlotte's little face, I want to smoosh it, she's so cute.

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Kate also nailed it with George and Charlotte's looks. She most definitely purchased their coats from the "Little British Aristocrats" catalogue. I love that store, but I don't have a title (Queen of PopCrush doesn't count) so I can't shop there. George is always throwing shade at his royal subjects- the look that he's giving all the people taking his photo is perfection. He's all  "Bish, please, I just wants to eat this candy cane in peace and then go home and destroy all of my sister's new toys...make way".

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Even Carole is on point with her stylish cape.

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So many hits in the Middleton Family, but there always has to be a black sheep in a family. In this case, our black sheep is a plaid sheep. Yuck, Pippa, you are a young, energetic, vigorous woman. Why are you dressed like a dowdy old lady? Queen Elizabeth wouldn't even wear that look. Maybe the jacket alone, but paired with the old lady print scarf, leather gloves, brown tights, knee length boots it's so dated and not cute. Pippa can do better than this, she deserves better than this. She needs to go into Kate's coat closet and steal a few of hers from the back...Kate will never know, she has 3,449,365 coats in there.

Royal Photobomber

The Royal Family of Monaco posed for their annual Christmas Card. Her Royal Highness Princess Charlene the Serene posed with her heir and spare in front of a tree made out of Frosted Mini Wheats. Don't look now, Charlene, but a chubby, bald man has crept into your photo. I'm not sure where he came from, but you should call your security ASAP.

Good grief! The man sized cherub won't quit. Who is this dude? Those kids have clearly never seen him before. Little prince is doing the royal sign for "get this guy out of here".

Act Natural

Getting into the Christmas spirit with this exquisite tree in a beautiful home for our family! 🎄☃️ Courtesy of @airbnb

A photo posted by Mariah Carey (@mariahcarey) on Dec 20, 2016 at 9:15am PST

The Queen of Christmas is finally able to enjoy the holiday. Since she is no longer engaged to a billionaire and because she HRH Queen Christmas, Airbnb is putting her up in a $22 million mansion in Aspen for free for the holidays. Though she may be on vacation, it doesn't mean Mariah can relax. She can never relax. She must always.be.posing. Here she is posing half naked next to her ginormous Christmas tree. Cause everyone hangs around the house in full hair and makeup, wearing only a pair of winter boots and an unbuttoned flannel shirt semi that semi covers your underwear. By only having one boob sticking out, she manages to look sexy and not slutty.

Justin Bieber is Cold

It's lonely at the top...and apparently freezing cold. Justin Bieber, who has been looking more and more like Jeffrey Dahmer these days, put on his finest fur for an outing in Northern Nunavut...wait, what? What's that you say? He wasn't in the arctic circle? He was in West Hollywood? Hmm, well...turns out he put his finest fur on for a trip to a bar in chilly California.

Rest assure that no exotic animals were killed to make this jacket. It is clearly made from the teddy bears and other stuffed animals, puppies, and kittens that are gifted to Justin from all the awful, screechy, crying fans that he hates.

Richard Marx: American Hero

Look out unruly airline passengers, Richard Marx is right here waiting for you. With a rope. And he will tie your ass to your seat if you act out.  Richard and his wife, Daisy Fuentes, were traveling home from a singing gig in Vietnam (he's huge there) on Korean Air when suddenly a passenger got the case of the crays. Richard did what any washed up soft rock singer from the 80's would do, he got out his rope and became a hero. His wife was all "That's my BOO!" and proudly documented the shit as it went down and then immediately posted it to instagram as one does when their husband hauls out a can of whipass. Marx described the event as "chaotic and dangerous" and said that the crew was "completely ill-trained and ill-equipped" to handle such an event. Um...I have to disagree with you, Rich, because the flight attendant who's packing heat seems like she's quite the gunslinger.

Ultimately what I learned from this post is that Richard Marx is married to Daisy Fuentes. I had no idea. Power couple, alert!!!

Netflix and Chill

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Prince William seems to think he works pretty hard. He is delusional. He works hard at being a pain in the ass who avoids as many royal duties as possible. #willsabitch. Will and Kate had a public appearance this week...well, Will had two, we'll get to his second in a moment. They attended a Christmas party for a youth-support charity. Kate must not have gotten the memo that this wasn't a "Ugly and Obscenely Overpriced Dress Party" so she wore her very ugly and very expensive ( ) Christmas dress with a belt she picked up at Goodwill along the way. Even Harry is disgusted, look at his face. He hates her dress. At the party Will told someone that this was his last week of "work" before the holidays and that he was looking forward to "downtime and a chill with the family". The only way that they can be any more "down" and "chill" is if they are all put into a medically induced coma.

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Will had a busy week this week. He had to work twice...three times if you count today's Buckingham Palace Christmas Party for the extended Windsor family. Will counts parties as work. He must be beat. On Sunday night, Will presented Michael Phelps with an award to Michael Phelps at the BBC Sports Personality of the Year awards. Will made a speech which clearly wasn't rehearsed or memorized or read from a teleprompter. Either he was pulled up from the audience and forced to give a speech or he took a huge bong hit before giving his speech.

Here's his speech: You are one of the greatest sporting icons that sport has ever had, and your 23 gold medals, never mind all the other colors, pales into sheer superhuman history. You should be so proud of your achievements. It’ll be many, many years before, if ever, anyone stands here again and calls you the greatest athlete in history. So, many, many congratulations. Hopefully your retirement gives someone else a chance now. WTF, Will, WTF?

Look- Windsor wax sculptures love ugly Christmas sweaters too!!

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In more royal gossip- Will and Kate are entirely skipping out on the Queen's Sandringham Christmas celebration. Instead, they will spend the holiday with the Middletons. Sure sure, in most families, people divide their time between each side of the family..but this isn't a normal family. This is the future King of England and the other future King of England. It seems like the Queen of England and the other future King of England would decree that they all have to be together for the holiday. It also seems that someone who has a grandmother and grandfather in their 90s would want to spend holidays with said grandparent (especially when one of them is the Queen of Goddamn England) since their holidays together are most certainly numbered. Will and Kate are also skipping Prince Phillip's yearly Boxing Day shoot, instead doing their own shoot with the Middletons. Something is fishy. Will seems more and more petulant, Kate works never, and now they are skipping important family gatherings. We will have to wait 50-60 years to binge watch a Netflix series called "The Crown: Will wants to Chill".

Santa IS real

Ryan Gosling is hot even when he is holding people hostage to see Santa Claus. Super hot.

Hamildolph

I rarely have my fingers on the pulse of what's cool. For instance, I've just discovered Hamilton. Now I'm obsessed. I'm like "Hey guys, have you heard about this new little musical on Broadway about Alexander Hamilton?" "Oh you have...ya, me too..." I listen to Hamilton in the gym, in my car, in the bathroom. I force my kids to listen to it. I read them the Federalist Papers before they go to bed. We wear powdered wigs. We are ALL IN.

In addition to the original cast recording of Hamilton, I've also been listening The Hamilton Mixtape. It is so, so good. Artists like The Roots, Ashanti and Ja Rule, Sia, Usher, Kelly Clarkson, John Legend, and many more cover and re-envision songs from Hamilton. It's a modern day love letter to Lin-Manuel Miranda and it's fabulous. I challenge you to listen to Kelly Clarkson's "It's Quiet Uptown" and not get verchlempt. If you don't, you have a empty soul.


In light of the holidays and my Hamilton obsession, here is a funny video that my Facebook friend shared yesterday (Thanks, Brianna)! It is perfection.


And for all of you history buffs- here are some clips from Drunk History featuring Lin-Manuel Miranda and his sloppy take on Alexander Hamilton, Aaron Burr, and the whole gang from the Revolutionary War. I wish I could post the whole episode, because it's really funny (Damn you, Comedy Central for not letting me embed the whole damn thing). You can watch the full episode on the Comedy Central website.

Here's Kelly Clarkson singing It's Quiet Uptown, totally unplugged in her living room. Her voice penetrates the emotional centers in my brain like none other...it's why I call her the Hippocampus Tickler.

Stuff That Happened This Week...

1. Mick Jagger fathered his 8th baby and he was named Deveraux Octavian Basil. This tells me that Mick and his baby mama are big fans of The Golden Girls, having eight kids, and pesto. Me too...well at least two of those three things!














2. I'm sure 95% of my readers don't care, but Christie Brinkley went on a date with David Foster (and his giant ego) recently. I hope Christie is knows what she's getting herself into with David Foster...a man who expects his wife to be his servant, who is accustomed to having his produced organized perfectly in a giant refrigerator, and who presumably has Andrea Bocelli living in his closet. David should be very cautious about getting involved with a lady who is from Long Island. Lyme disease is RAMPANT
there and as we know, David Foster has no time for that shit.

3. While you were eating ALL the Christmas cookies, Giselle was speaking sweat Portuguese words of nothing to her perfect ass.

Mariah Owns Christmas

 If you thought that the baby Jesus or Santa Claus owned Christmas you were wrong. It is 100% governed and reigned over by none other than Mariah Carey. Our beautiful Christmas Queen with the voice of an angel. Mariah has been EVERYWHERE this holiday season. Now that she is no longer engaged to a billionaire, girlfriend needs to bring home the bacon to keep up with the lavish lifestyle of which she has become accustomed. Her new music is definitely not making her any money, but the residuals she makes from her Christmas music definitely is. So for 4-5 weeks from November to December, we are blessed with Mariah's pushed up boobs and tight dresses and bodysuits. Before long we will be reading stories to our children about a beautiful butterfly named Mariah who delivers presents to all the children in a sleigh pulled by 12 back up dancers. Mariah joined James Corden in his car last night to sing the world's most beloved Christmas carol, "All I Want for Christmas Is You." I love how Mariah doesn't ever move her head. She keeps her head tilted in a way to capture her best angle and never diverts from that position. I want to say that it takes great commitment and strength to stay so still, but I'm pretty sure she is stuck in one spot due to the massive amounts of lycra, underwires, spandex, spray tanner, and hairspray that are on her body.

 Along with Mariah, Corden asked his other guests to join in a sing-along. It really shows off which singers can hold a tune (Adele, Lady Gaga, Demi Lovato) and which really can't (I'm looking at you Gwen Stefani and Coldplay guy). The Red Hot Chili Peppers didn't even try to sing along, they just snapped. I, too, had a sing along with Mariah in my car today. Despite me only knowing half the words to the song, I still sounded amazing. If you consider the sound of a broken accordion being played by a seizing wombat amazing.

Great Dad Alert!!

All around stand up guy, Ryan Lochte, is going to be someone's father. He made his announcement in via instagram by forcing his pregnant girlfriend into a bikini, cropping her head entirely out of the picture, and making himself the focus of the photo. Yes, Ryan, this pregnancy is ALLLL about you. That narcissistic attitude will get you EVERYWHERE as a parent.

Merry Amy Christmas

My sister shared a Billy On The Street Christmas video on my Facebook page today with my best friend, Amy Poehler. It made me poop my pants with laughter. God, I love Amy Poehler...especially when she's yelling at people who don't recognize her. This video is from 2013 (way to have your finger on the pulse of what's hot on the internet, Karyn), but still relevant, because forcing unsuspecting people to sing Christmas Carols never goes out of style.

While we are laughing along with Amy Poehler and reminiscing about the good old times. One time in 2011 she was on Jimmy Fallon and she and Jimmy played Tiger Woods Golf with Tiger Woods...and let's just say that hilarity ensued. I want to kidnap Amy and Jimmy and make them my best friends. Tiger doesn't really know what to do with himself...he doesn't seem to have much of a playful sense of humor. The golf-robot apparently wasn't programmed to have fun. He doesn't even LAUGH when they are singing to him. How can you not laugh at those two. Pants would have been shat if I were there with them (my pants, that is). You hear that, Jimmy and Amy- I would shat my pants for you! Tiger, on the other hand, must be SUCH a dud to be around. No pants shat for you, Tiger, none!

 Here's the video. Sorry for the weird, mirrored video, it's the only one I could find on the interweb...and I searched the whole thing.

I'm With Stupid

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Kanye West paid a visit to Trump Towers today to for a little therapy. The best thing to do when you are trying to get back on your feet after a mental break is to spend time with people even more mentally unstable than you are. Then you feel totes normal. Or maybe Kanye's just trying to find a better family to associate himself with. Out with the Kardashians and in with the Trumps. Now that's a reality show I'd watch.

The Critics Choice Awards: The Good, The Bad, and the D-List

The Critics Choice Awards were last night. This awards show marks the beginning of awards season. It is usually in January, but for some reason, it was kerplopped in the middle of December. It's nice to have a distraction from Mariah Carey singing "All I Want for Christmas Is You" in a dress that's 3 sizes too small...Thanks, Critics Choice Awards!!

**As a note, some of the pictures of the gowns are in "slideshow" mode, so if you click on them, you will see several shots.


1. Let's start with a D-list actress. Bella Thorne is a former Disney Star, who now spends most of her time jacking up her face with fillers and posing half naked on Instagram. I can guarantee you that she is NOT destined for greatness on her current trajectory. I should be a talent manager, I'd be awesome. Anyhoo- I'm not sure why she is there, but she wore a nice sheer dress to attract all the attention that she never received from her parents, because they were too busy counting the money that she was making from Walt Disney.

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2. Continuing with the D-listers...Kate Beckinsale is dressed like Glenda The Good Witch Gone Bad. I will say something positive, though. Kate looks great in the face. It has not aged at all (cough...botox..cough). And her boobs look great in that dress.

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3. Kerry Washington, as your best friend, I need to tell you that your dress does not fit. It is too short and your boobs do not look great. The styling, the hair, the shoes are all off. It is fun and playful, just like our friendship, but it is not for you. You are better than this dress. I forgive you. Xoxo, Beth

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4. Mandy Moore is having a good year. She divorced her lame husband, Ryan Adams, and her luck turned. Fancy that! I like the simplicity of this dress and the color. I'm always down for a navy blue dress. It fits her perfectly and she looks confident wearing it, which elevates the whole look.

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 5. I'm going to throw this out to the universe and see if anyone agrees- Being married to Justin Timberlake has degraded Jessica Biel's looks. He is sucking the beauty right out of her. Her limp hair, those bangs...ugh, those bangs!! I've been in a fight with her bangs for years, but this is the worst I've seen them. The dress may not be the worst part of this look, it's not my favorite, but I'm too distracted by her hair and sad face. Jessica should see how happy and light Mandy Moore looks at take a page from her playbook.

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6.  I'm a sucker for a dress with pockets and for a dress with an unusual pattern, so Hailee Steinfeld's floral dress is a win-win for me. She looks age appropriate (she's 20), fun, and unique. I like the dress with her bold lip and simple hair. This dress is one of my faves of the night!!

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7. Gillian Jacobs made this dress in home ec class.

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8. Just because Natalie Portman is 13 months pregnant does not mean she had to dress like a Russian Nesting Doll. There are other dress options out there for pregnant people.

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9. Janelle Monae is so lovely. I love the Alice In Wonderland vibe of this dress. She's funky, but not over the top. Her makeup is also really fun. She is such a talent and style icon. Love her!!!

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10. Sarah Paulson is edgy and gorgeous. She is the only woman who could wear this pearly dress and pull it off. Do I love the dress? Not really, but I like that it's daring and different. It barely stays on the right side of the garish and tacky line. I wonder, though, how she is supposed to sit in that dress? Do the pearls hurt her bum? How do they not?! My favorite part is that she brought her friend, Amanda Peet, as her plus one. They are super cute together.

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11. John Travolta live human or John Travolta's Madame Tussauds wax figure? The world may never know.

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12. Nicole Kidman can wear dresses that most women would look ridiculous in. This is one of them. I like how it's like a sexy, dress version of a tuxedo. It fits her body perfectly, it's flirty without being slutty. I love it.

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13. While we are on the topic of tuxedos, can we gush for a while over Evan Rachel Wood's tuxedo. Oh lordy, it is PERFECTION. It fits her like a glove, I love the slim tailoring. Her face is exquisite and her soft make-up complements the masculinity of her suit. Can she be my best dressed? Yes!!!

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14. Kaley Cuoco earn $1 million per episode on her show, Bing Bang Theory. These photos prove that you can't buy good taste or style. She is consistently the worst dressed of the evening, despite being one of the richest actresses in the room. Let's pick apart this disastrous outfit, shall we? First, she's wearing a lace table cloth as a shirt, which, by the way, doesn't fit her boobs. Second, her pants are horribly tailored. That cuff is unnecessary to the look and the crotch is ill-fitting. Third, her extensions look cheap as hell. Fourth- her pale make-up with the pale colored outfit washes her out. Fifth- she has topped of her ensemble by pairing it with a wooden, bedazzled clutch. Sixth- those shoes. What the hell!?!? Worst dressed, by a mile.

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15. Another bestie couple of the evening, Michelle Williams and Busy Phillips. I love these two together. Michelle seems shy and reserved and Busy is much more silly and outgoing (I follow her on instagram and she's goofy). I'm sure Michelle likes having Busy around at awards shows, because she's her comfy security blanket. And besides, who wouldn't want to have their fun friend with them during a long, boring show? I hope Kerry Washington invites me as her guest (and dress picker-outer) next year!! Can we also talk about how beautiful Michelle Williams's face is? She's a vision.

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16. Can someone please save Ariel Winter from her bangs? They are attacking her pretty face!!

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Stuff That Happened This Week...

Lots of stuff happened this week. Here are the most bearable of the things.

1. Third time's a charm! Bristol Palin is having her first legitimate child with her current husband. He's also the baby daddy of her 2nd child, though they were not married at the time of her birth. The only reason I can actually make fun of Bristol Palin for having legitimate/illegitimate children in 2016 is that she still extols the virtues of celibacy and waiting for marriage to get pregnant in 2016. So we are even.

2. Pippa Middleton is going to marry her filthy rich, but homely as hell fiance in May. They will have their reception at her parent's home in Bucklebury, England. I'm going to let you in on a secret. One time I was feeling nosy, so I found the Middleton estate on Google maps. Jealous?

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3. Rumor has it that The Beckhams are looking to purchase a mansion in L.A. called The Manor.

This house, also known as Tori Spelling's childhood home, is the largest home in L.A. County boasting 123 room- 27 bathrooms, 14 bedrooms. Candy Spelling sold it to the Formula One heiress, Petra Ecclestone, who has now listed it for sale for $200 million. Candy was famous for having 2 wrapping rooms, a doll museum, bowling alley, and extensive storage for all of her shit in that house. If you've never seen Selling Spelling Manor, please find it on the internet, that house is nuts. And so is Candy.

4. Speaking of crazy Spellings...Tori Spelling just happened to be cleaning out her garage this week holding a box in a specific way to get a perfect face on shot when a paparazzi was conveniently passing by and took her picture. What are the chances of that!?! She was also dressed in a super cute tank that said "Body By Dean" which isn't FRIGGED UP at all because her husband is a creepy sex addict who keeps knocking her up. Which they use to keep her relevant and then have paparazzi take her photo to make some money, because neither of them have any other means of gainful employment. Her last pregnancy almost killed her and it would not have been a surprise if she were dressed in a t-shirt at her funeral that said "Body Bag by Dean" because these people are so screwed up they would market anything!!!! GAAAH, they fill me with rage.

Get a room, you frisky Royals...

You were expecting a photo of Prince Harry and Pippa Lite making out, weren't you? Sorry. Instead you get the most awkwardly posed photo of the senior members of the British Royal Family. Could they look any more uncomfortable? They all look like they are on horrible first dates with each other and were forced to take this picture together. Kate may be smiling, but behind those clenched teeth she is sneering at Will in his knickers to not even dare touch her. Charles is just willing his mother to kick the bucket so that he can finally have a real job. Prince Phillip just told a racist joke and Will is trying not to laugh or his date will cut him with her tiara. Camilla is...who the hells cares about Camilla?! Queen Elizabeth is praying silently for a new family who is not so embarrassing. Merry Christmas, England...thank God your taxes continue to support these numbsulls who provide so much amusement for us all!!

Just in case you were wondering...this photo is actually from the annual Diplomatc Reception at Buckingham Palace. This is a private affair and they have never allowed a photographer to capture any images of the event. Now we know why. #awkwardfamilyphotos

Mick Jagger is fertile.

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Well, color me surprised! Despite spending approximately a half century strutting around in tight pants, Mick Jagger's sperm count is still high enough to fertilize an egg to form an embryo which went on to become a live human baby. Mick is surprised too. The news left him with his mouth agape. It's a look that says "Shit, more child support!" It appears that this 73 year old man who has fathered SEVEN prior to this one still hasn't figured out how procreation works. Let's educate shall we?

PopCrush Theorem of Gold-Diggery: 
Rich sperm + poor ova = wealthy baby with a set for life mother and a senior citizen for a father.

See, it's easy! What's not easy is understanding Mick's crazy family tree. It hurts my brain a bit, especially since his new baby born 1 day ago is already a GREAT UNCLE to his half-sister's grandson (who happens to be just one month older than his own uncle). Mind blown!!!

Jennifer Aniston has a fantastic plastic surgeon!

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Jennifer Aniston is 47. You may not want to believe this but her face is full of fillers and botox. I know this because Jennifer Aniston loves two things: sunbathing and cigarettes. Neither of those joys keeps your face looking young. Not all the retinol in the world can fix that.

Nope, Jenny has a plastic surgeon and a damn good one at that. It takes a skilled artisan to keep a lady looking as fresh as a daisy without making her look like a character for The Dark Crystal (Jim Henson's puppet interpretation of people who've had too much botox and plastic surgery). Jennifer has to look at the product of a plastic surgeon with a heavy hand every time she hangs out with her bestie, Courtney Cox...who is a prime example of someone who has f'd up her face royally. Though I think she's cooled it a bit, because her lips have relaxed a little and her face, it still looks like it hurts her to smile...

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Jennifer's boobs are pert, her abs are tight, and her skin is smooth. She's pushing 50 and looks better than most 25 year-olds. I would happily have whatever is being injected in her face if it were offered to me for free...Snake venom? yes. Pureed platypus pancreas? I'll take 50cc please. Donald Trump's ball sweat? I may pause for a moment, but if it were sterilized..and free..and would make me look like that at 47...then....sure, what the heck, I'm vain.

Couple Fantasy

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Can these two just get together forever and make all of our dreams come true? I've given up on the dream of Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams getting married and making beautiful babies together. But my dream of Ryan and Emma Stone becoming a hot couple, moving in next door to me, and becoming my best friends is much more realistic. I mean, sure, Ryan is in a monogamous relationship with Eva Mendes and they have two kids...but has anyone SEEN those kids. They may be fake. To be honest, has anyone even SEEN Eva Mendes in a while? How do we know she's not a super realistic looking robot? Eva and her fake babies are there distract us from Ryan and Emma's real relationship. While the paparazzi are sitting outside of Ryan's house trying to get a photo of his fake family, he and Emma are in Vermont looking at all the houses for sale in my neighborhood.

AHHHH, JORDAN CATALANO!! Jordan Catalano, I wanted nobody other than Jordan Catalano when I was 15. He was my ideal guy. He didn't talk much, he was moody and sensitive and deep. He was hot. He had a nice bob, which in the 90s grunge era, was just perfect. He wore a choker, which I guess was a thing moody, grunge guys did in the 90s. I was convinced that if he could fall for an awkward, emotional, average looking Angela Chase, than I could also find my own Jordan Catalano in real life. I married a guy who had long hair in the 90s, so I guess..maybe?

Well, girls. If you loved Jared Leto in the 90's, he's been a real disappointment in the 2000's hasn't he? He started out ok, but in the past 10 years, he's been on a steady decline. Underneath all that guyliner and method acting is a hot guy trying to break free, but Jared does EVERYTHING in his power to squash his hotness like it's his worst frenemy. However, if it wasn't for his pretty face, he would never be where he is now.  Here is Jared at a The Fashion Awards this week....dressed like a young Liberace. My 16 year old heart is weeping for this sad douchebag.

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Things that keep me up at night...

While the rest of America (or at least 48% of the voting public) sits up at night worrying that they may experience what it's like to actually go to hell in a hand basket, I have bigger things to worry about...like Kim Zolciak's lips. I'm worried for them. I'm worried that they have reached max capacity of silicone and one more drop will make them explode. I'm worried how the Bierman-Zolciak family will support their lavish, beyond their means lifestyle now that Kroy is an unemployed ex-professional football player. I'm worried that Brielle is morphing into her mother not only on the outside, but also the inside and may suffer early menopause as a result.

So while you are worrying about your taxes, health insurance, public safety, job security, and all that superficial stuff, please keep Kim and her family in your thoughts and prayers. Right now, they need a miracle.

Watch This...

I read Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty a few years ago. And by "read", I mean devoured. It was so good. Not life changing-Pulitzer Prize-Good. More like Sucked into the story-Can't wait for it to be a movie-Good. Well, my prayers have been answered, because Reese Witherspoon's production company, Type A Films, has adapted the story and turned it into a short series on HBO. Rather than take place in Sydney, Australia it takes place in Monterey, California. A teaser trailer was released a few months ago and now they have released a full trailer and it looks gooooood. I'm so glad that I threatened to quit Comcast forever and they gave me free HBO so I can watch it!!!

If you have never read a Liane Moriarty book, I highly recommend them. They are easy, quick reads with well crafted plots and thorough character development. She's my go to author when I need a vacation read and don't want to invest any time in searching for a book. i just buy one of her books that I've never read and I have yet to be disappointed.

Little Big Lies starts in February. Will you be watching? I sure am!!!

So Happy Together

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Rihanna and Hot Harry were together in Barbados this week during Harry's Royal Caribbean Tour. Since yesterday was World AIDS Day, the two got tested for HIV together. When their tests both came back clean, they immediately escaped to a broom closet and got busy. Because, as the old saying goes: "When a non-HIV infected royal opportunity knocks, you screw it in a broom closet." Ok, that's not true, but a girl can dream can't she?

I think I'm not the only girl dreaming of Rihanna shagging Prince Harry in a broom closet.  Rihanna is also dreaming of Rihanna shagging Harry in a broom closet. She def has her eye on him. Look at her giggling with old Harry. She trying hard to work her charm. And by work her charm, what I mean is work, work, work, work, work, work her charm. Go get him, girl!

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That's not weird or anything...

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Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher had a baby boy on November 30th. This week they announced his birth and his name: Dimitri Portwood Kutcher. Dimitri is a nice Russian sounding name, paying homage to Mila's Russian roots. What is puzzling about the name is that it a male derivative of Demetria, which happens to be the the real name of Ashton's ex-wife, Demi Moore. Is it a thing to name your kid after your ex-wife? Is this to make it up to her for cheating on her with a college chick in a hot tub? It took me all of 10 seconds to draw the line from Dimitri to Demi Moore and I'm no Sherlock Holmes. Ashton is either super dense, super self-invovled, or a super douche to not notice/care that he named his kid after his ex-wife. I'm gonna go on a limb and say that he's a nice mixture of all of the above.

25 DAYS OF POPCRUSH!!

Today is the first day of December. The Christmas season is in full effect. There seems to be 25 days of everything these days, so let's add to the list and with a 25 Days of PopCrush celebration. From now until Christmas, I will be posting daily PopCrush posts to Facebook. Hopefully, these posts will push all the political and Elf on the Shelf (we don't care that your elf toilet papered your bathroom, people) posts a bit down your feed. Let this be my Christmas present to you...garbage for your brain!!!

Let's start off with my favorite Christmas Couple- John Travolta and Olivia Newton John. Between her fillers and his spray on hair, they are really a marvel of modern cosmetology. The only thing that is not fake in that photo is...um...let me look a little bit harder...well, their t-shirts look real, so I'm gonna go with that...their t-shirts.

And here's a tune from their album just in case you were wondering what magic these two create when they work together...it's so bad and I don't think it's a joke.

NO...ANYTHING BUT NICKELBACK!!!!

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Canada's worst export, Nickelback (with Justin Bieber, Avril Lavigne, and Sarah McLachlan's sad ASPCA commercials coming in as the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th worst) are now being used as torture for drunk driving in a Canadian town. First Canada tried to send this awful group to the US and when we rejected them, they had no choice but to use their music to torment criminals. The town of Kennsington, Prince Edward Island is so sick and tired of drunk drivers that they posted on their facebook page that it's time to get serious and crack down on the practice. Cops posted that not only will you get a hefty fine, a criminal record, and lose your license for a year, they will also force you to listen to Nickelback on the way to the clink. Something tells me that the government of Canada gives out free copies of Nickelback albums to all of the police departments to use against their criminals. What else will they do with all the unsold albums?

Oh Burrrrnnnnn

Raise your hand if you've told Leo you're on the pill.

A photo posted by Erin Foster (@erinfoster) on Nov 28, 2016 at 5:04pm PST

Ugh, the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show filmed today and all the beautiful, lithe Angel's took one plane to Paris to film the Earth's most unimportant fashion show. Honestly- does anyone buy the underwear that they model? It looks impossible to even put on- so many straps, studs, diamonds, feathers. I'm morally opposed to underwear lines, so none of their looks would work for me anyway.

It would be great to travel on that plane with all of those models- think of all the extra food there'd be. I'm always panicked on planes that there won't be any snacks left for me when the food cart comes through, because I always end up sitting in the back of the plane. Those models would be so preoccupied with taking selfies of themselves and sucking on ice cubes for sustenance, that I'd get ALL the snacks. Everyone wins!!!

Erin Foster, who is a semi-famous daughter of David Foster (ie, Yolanda's ex husband and Gigi and Bella Hadid's former step father) posted the above photo with the hilarious caption of "Raise your hand if you've told Leo you are on the pill" on Instagram. Oh Leo, you are an old man and a whore...and apparently now you are also a punchline to a joke.

Justin Bieber is not cute anymore.

Well, Bieber fans, this is what happens to your favorite pop star's face when you scream and cheer and hound and obsess too much. Poor Bieber is tired. He's stressed. You love him too much. You want too much of him. You screech too loudly during his concerts. You are stressing him out. He now looks like Napoleon Dynamite with an Uncle Rico hair cut and it's all your fault.

Justin has a horrible personality and is a monster douche bag, but he always had his looks. With enough duck tape and whiskey, I could have considered him as a celebrity cheat. But now he has no redeemable qualities and I will officially blame his fans for this. Thanks for nothing, you shrill Beliebers or whatever you call yourselves these days.

You Should Have Called Jared

A photo posted by Tyga / T-Raww (@kinggoldchains) on Nov 19, 2016 at 7:15pm PST

Tyga, also known as Kylie Jenner's charity case, has finally settled his debts with world renowned jeweler, Jason of Beverly Hills. Jason told the world in August that Tyga owed him $200,000 for all the diamond chains, pendents, bracelets, rings, teeth, shoelace aglets, and pencaps he had "purchased". This weekend, it was reported that Tyga paid the jeweler the remaining $100,000 he owed him. TMZ wants us all to know that he used his OWN money in CASH to pay his bill...Nobody gave him the cash, other than the bank teller when he withdrew it from his OWN savings account. Ok, guys? Do you understand? It wasn't anyone else's money...particularly not a person who's name sounds like Jylie Kenner. Yay, so finally Tyga has cleared his debts! It's Thanksgiving and his birthday...so he can now go to da club and relax with a clean slate. Buuutttt not so fast, while Tyga was on his way into a night club, he got served with papers for something. There are not details about his recent lawsuit, but I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume that he owes someone money, because, our friend Tyga lives LARGE and yet I can not tell you ONE song he has rapped or any on which he has collaborated. Something tells me that the income coming in is not greater than the money going out. It's a good thing he has a sugar mama who is a-ok to put up with that shit.

Tony Bennett has LOTS to be thankful for

Tony Bennett's young wife has to wait yet another day to be a rich widow. She came close on Thanksgiving, but it just wasn't her time to cash her check her local Gold Diggers Bank branch. Old Tony was riding along on a float with Miss Piggy in the Macy's Parade, innocently singing a Christmas carol, and pretending that he wasn't having a stroke. The float hit a bump (that wasn't a large rock put there on purpose by Mrs. Bennett) and Tony's poor, stiff body almost flew right off onto the street. He would have been a goner had it not been for the heroic Miss Piggy who caught him with her strong puppet arm. You can't make this shit up...half dead Tony was saved by a puppet pig. This also marks the second time this month that I have written about Tony Bennett on this blog...celebrity gossip must be slow this month...geez!!

The Cool Girls of Hollywood

There's one clique in Hollywood of cool girls that I bet all the other girls want to be a part of. Gwynnie is the alpha of the group, of course. She is because she gives zero fucks and the girl who gives the zeroest of fucks is always the coolest. Her besties are Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, Nicole Richie, Jessica Alba, Reese Witherspoon, and Kate Hudson. 

Look at how much more fun they are having than you are. This picture yells- "Look at us, we are not wearing make up and we are so cold, but we still look so pretty!!" Gwynnie would have to add "Look at me, I'm wearing the ugliest hat and coat, but I'm still gorgeous and popular and all my skin is the glowiest!!!" Ugh, they are so annoying...I want to be their best friend too.

Hot Harry in the Caribbean.

Oh boy, I hope Prince Harry bough LOTS of sunscreen with him, because the Caribbean is no place for a pale ginger. Homeboy needs some SPF!!!

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Poor Harry looks like he's wilting. A Englishman is not used to so much heat and sun. Harry is on a Royal Tour in the Caribbean for 2 weeks. While in Antigua, the president hinted that Harry should return for his honeymoon after he marries Pippa Jr. In the same breath he also told Harry he was the coolest member of the royal family and that he should have a good time that night because whatever happens in Antigua, stays in Antigua. Haaaa!! The Antiguan president is apparetly interviewing to become the Mayor of Las Vegas when his term is up. He's the best. I'm sure the cheeky monkey Harry took him up on his offer. From the looks of these pictures, Harry only has a few years left of hottness before he travels down the same hairless path as his brother, father, and uncles. It must be part of the Windsor genetics that the men get increasingly homely and bald as they get older. Get it while the getting's good, Prince Ginger.

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Kanye West is Tired

Kanye West was brought to an LA hospital for for psychiatric evaluation and was eventually admitted last night. He was at his trainer, Harley Pasternak's house acting erratically. Police were called to do a welfare check- not sure who made the call, apparently he was being evaluated by his own physician at Harley's house when someone there called the cops. The police then called the paramedics and he was brought to the hospital for further evaluation.


Of course, Kanye's people (ie, Kris Kardashian) are saying that this is all due to "sleep deprivation". Of course it is. Celebrities work hard guys and get really really tired and it makes them do funny things. We wouldn't understand, because we aren't celebrities, we are just normal humans who have little to no paid help, work 2039483 hours a week, raise our own kids, and have to wipe our own asses. We have no idea what it's like to be tired.

Kanye has been acting a bit "off" for the past few weeks. He's gone on tirades at his concerts even more unusual than his regular tirades. He canceled a concert in L.A. and then spent 4 hours posting over 90 grainy fashion photos to his instagram. The final straw was that he publicly shit on Beyonce at one of his concerts...what???!! No sane person says negative shit about Beyonce out loud. Maybe he's in the hospital for his own protection against the Beygency.

For reals though, Kanye is not in a good place. He is not "tired" I can tell you that...he's manic. I hope he gets the help he needs. He and Kim have had a rough run these past few months. There's really nothing funny about mental illness, so I will only hope for the best for him.